I'm just looking for some feedback on a short fantasy-ish story. I'm looking for ways I can improve the story or make it better. This is a really rough draft, so just a warning. There shouldn't be any grammatical or spelling errors. I'm not in a rush, but I am looking for people who could read it in a week's time. Overall, I want to know: how does this story make you feel?
I'll be happy to provide a critique back if you want. I'm pretty fast at giving a reply.
Please message me. Thanks.
-Anna
~ I honestly believe that good stories write themselves. You can always start writing a story, but the characters tell their own tales and if you're lucky enough, you get to merely be in the audience watching everything unfold. ~ 8/1/2022
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WotF - 2022, V39 Q4: R
WotF - 2022/2023, V40 Q1: HM; Q2: HM; Q3: HM; Q4:HM
WoTF - 2025, V42 Q1: P
PM me.
"Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right."~ Henry Ford
2025 V42: Submitted, WIP, ?, ?
2024 V41: RWC (Resubmitted "HM"), HM, RWC, Finalist (RWC Resubmit)
2023 V40: HM, HM, R, HM
2022 V39: SHM, HM, Semi-finalist, HM (HM Resubmit)
2021 V38: ---HM (R Resubmit)
2020 V37: -R--
I can take a look! PM me.
V39: -- / SHM / SHM / RWC
V40: HM / SHM / SHM / SHM
V41: RWC / HM / SHM / WIP
A product of sweat and tears: www.starspunlit.org
Thank you! I'll pm you.
~ I honestly believe that good stories write themselves. You can always start writing a story, but the characters tell their own tales and if you're lucky enough, you get to merely be in the audience watching everything unfold. ~ 8/1/2022
***
WotF - 2022, V39 Q4: R
WotF - 2022/2023, V40 Q1: HM; Q2: HM; Q3: HM; Q4:HM
WoTF - 2025, V42 Q1: P
I'd be happy to give it a read!
This is optional but I also have a rough fantasy short story that I hope to have a pair of fresh eyes on but it's around 9,5k words so I'm not sure if this would be a fair exchange. Completely okay for you to decline, I'd still like to give yours a read and feedback 
I'll pm you.
~ I honestly believe that good stories write themselves. You can always start writing a story, but the characters tell their own tales and if you're lucky enough, you get to merely be in the audience watching everything unfold. ~ 8/1/2022
***
WotF - 2022, V39 Q4: R
WotF - 2022/2023, V40 Q1: HM; Q2: HM; Q3: HM; Q4:HM
WoTF - 2025, V42 Q1: P
I can take a look!
Q3 V38 - F, Q 4 V38 - SHM
Q1 V39 - HM, Q2 V39 - HM, Q3 V39 SHM, Q4 V39 SHM
I'll pm you!
~ I honestly believe that good stories write themselves. You can always start writing a story, but the characters tell their own tales and if you're lucky enough, you get to merely be in the audience watching everything unfold. ~ 8/1/2022
***
WotF - 2022, V39 Q4: R
WotF - 2022/2023, V40 Q1: HM; Q2: HM; Q3: HM; Q4:HM
WoTF - 2025, V42 Q1: P
