How to Drive a Writer Crazy
by L. Ron Hubbard
L. Ron Hubbard understood the rigors of a writer’s life and the workings of the publishing industry. He recognized the key elements that make a story publishable—strong ideas, thorough research, and that intangible quality known as suspense. Hubbard emphasized the importance of an author truly knowing his subject and the often tricky relationship between writer and editor.
Among the more revealing notes on this writing business and of particular significance to anyone who has faced a fickle editor is his “How to Drive a Writer Crazy.” What he describes is not just amusing; it is also the ruin of many a young literary talent.
How to Drive a Writer Crazy
1. When he starts to outline a story, immediately give him several stories just like it to read and tell him three other plots. This makes his own story and his feeling for it vanish in a cloud of disrelated facts.
2. When he outlines a character, read excerpts from stories about such characters, saying that this will clarify the writer’s ideas. As this causes him to lose touch with the identity he felt in his character by robbing him of individuality, he is certain to back away from ever touching such a character.
3. Whenever the writer proposes a story, always mention that his rate, being higher than other rates of writers in the book, puts up a bar to his stories.
4. When a rumor has stated that a writer is a fast producer, invariably confront him with the fact with great disapproval, as it is, of course, unnatural for one human being to think faster than another.
5. Always correlate production and rate, saying that it is necessary for the writer to do better stories than the average for him to get any consideration whatever.
6. It is a good thing to mention any error in a story bought, especially when that error is to be editorially corrected, as this makes the writer feel that he is being criticized behind his back and he wonders just how many other things are wrong.
7. Never fail to warn a writer not to be mechanical, as this automatically suggests to him that his stories are mechanical and, as he considers this a crime, wonders how much of his technique shows through and instantly goes to much trouble to bury mechanics very deep—which will result in laying the mechanics bare to the eye.
8. Never fail to mention and then discuss budget problems with a writer, as he is very interested.
9. By showing his vast knowledge of a field, an editor can almost always frighten a writer into mental paralysis, especially on subjects where nothing is known anyway.
10. Always tell a writer plot tricks, as they are not his business.
About
An integral part of the Writers of the Future experience is a world-class, hands-on writing workshop based on L. Ron Hubbard’s classic and still-relevant instructional writing articles. “How to Drive a Writer Crazy” are from some undated notes on writing. Discover more about the art of storytelling through the other featured articles.