Jibber Jabber - Q1 - 29

And I'm probably as non-public-speaker as they come...

Whereas they should pick me simply because I would be a natural at the podium. A decade of corporate instruction and presentations have made me into a natural ham. I never use notes any more, never need them. My best presentations are all improv.

(But if they do pick me, they'd better have the hook ready to pull me off the stage. Once I get started, I don't tend to stop...)

And I'm probably as non-public-speaker as they come...

Whereas they should pick me simply because I would be a natural at the podium. A decade of corporate instruction and presentations have made me into a natural ham. I never use notes any more, never need them. My best presentations are all improv.

(But if they do pick me, they'd better have the hook ready to pull me off the stage. Once I get started, I don't tend to stop...)

Yeah, teaching does the same thing. You just get used to riffing on a bare-bones script and working the "audience." I think Conan O'Brien is a great one to watch for how to keep it funny even when you get lost or misspeak. Self-deprecation can work miracles. But then, I too am pale and redheaded, so maybe there is a genetic reason why I find his stand-up so effective (if sometimes silly).

Yeah, teaching does the same thing. You just get used to riffing on a bare-bones script and working the "audience."

And just between you and me, we know that a lot of that riffing and working the audience is simply having a deep repertoire of what people asked the last time, or the time before that. Like Improv comedy -- or like Homer reciting epic poems, for that matter -- certain bits can come out without you even having to think about them, so you can reserve your brain cells for the zingers that you'll find this time.

One of my best-received tech talks is a talk where I demonstrate the power of UML for designing a system; and I do it "working without a net," so to speak. I walk into the user group meeting, introduce myself, and take suggestions from the audience for what sort of system we're going to design tonight. And then we're off and running, and I spend 90 minutes drawing and designing and teaching and answering questions about how I'm working. At the end, they've seen me do a deep (but VERY narrow) design of a system all the way from "A customer needs something" to "Here's a little tiny bit of working code to serve those needs." And I had literally no clue what I was designing 30 seconds before I started.

Except... I reserve the right to choose from among the proposals, because I need to demonstrate something that will make sense to the whole audience, not just one person; and because I need a problem example that involves human inputs (so no 100% automated systems). And I also reject ideas if I can tell in advance that they're just too big, and instead I ask if we can narrow the scope as an example. So that helps a lot.

And then... Well, you'd be amazed by how many business systems can be described as some combination of Event Scheduling, Reservations, Time Tracking, Order Placement and Tracking, and Data Gathering and Analysis. So even though I don't "know" what I'll be designing, I can make a pretty good guess at broad outlines.

There. Now I've told you all my secrets. And yet even knowing that, I'll bet if you saw me perform, you'd still be astonished at how smoothly I make it all work. THAT is where experience and comfort level and thinking on your feet come in. That presentation wins me big applause and lots of follow-up questions pretty much every single time.

Yeah, teaching does the same thing. You just get used to riffing on a bare-bones script and working the "audience."

And just between you and me,

(Uh, I'm here, too.)
There. Now I've told you all my secrets. And yet even knowing that, I'll bet if you saw me perform, you'd still be astonished at how smoothly I make it all work. THAT is where experience and comfort level and thinking on your feet come in. That presentation wins me big applause and lots of follow-up questions pretty much every single time.

Now I'm totally intimidated. If I ever win this thing, there's a fifty-fifty chance I'll just vomit on the podium.

No chance of me ever speaking at the gala. To do that someone would have to remove the tape from my jaws.

Now I'm totally intimidated. If I ever win this thing, there's a fifty-fifty chance I'll just vomit on the podium.

Ah, no worries. I don't think anyone has vomited yet. Just remember two people you want to thank, and one clever quip. Or a sincere quip, that's as good as clever. "Thank you, Mom, for always believing in me!" is a never-fail crowd pleaser.

It's quiet out there...

Almost too quiet...

Only one thing to do...

WRITE! WRITE! WRITE! etc.

You know it's bad when Martin starts to climb the walls.

You know it's bad when Martin starts to climb the walls.

True that.

You know it's bad when Martin starts to climb the walls.

Well, there are two possible explanations...

A. I'm gently tweaking those who anticipated results today, since I honestly think we'll see nothing until after the gala at this point. Possibly a week after, or later.

B. I'm kinda fond of my Q1 story, and have maybe an idea of a good home for it if I'm gonna need one.

Which is it? Well, I tell my students:

Whenever you ask me "A or B?"
I'll always answer "Yes" or "C".

Whereas this is me...

*trips over her gown and does windmills trying not to pratfall*

*heel breaks off her shoe, so she hobbles the rest of way*

*awkward silence as she bobs up and down trying to figure out if she should stand flat-footed or on tippy toes to even out the broken heel*

*leans in toward the mic, causing massive feedback*

*startles so hard she drops her notecards*

*places the award on the podium a little too hard, causing the audience to jump from the amplified >THUNK<*

"Oh, dear. I seem to have misplaced my notes." ... *desperately tries to remember to thank her mother and L. Ron* "Anyhow, I'd, um, like to thank my Brom and Old Mother Hubbard for making this lifelong ... Um, I'm sorry, what's that?"

*clutches the award to her chest*

"What do you mean, "Give it back?!""

*tuxedoed burly-men close in from the wings, talking hurriedly into their cufflinks.*

*Joni is desperately making the "Cut! Cut!" sign across her throat*

FADE TO COMMERCIAL BREAK

*meaning no disrespect to the venerable Mr. Hubbard, of course

Excuse my ignorance, but when is the gala?

April 15th

Excuse my ignorance, but when is the gala?

The 15th. Workshops start next week, gala at the end.

That's why many of us think that results are unlikely for a while. KD teaches the writer's workshop. Joni coordinates both workshops and the gala. I assume the coordinating judge on the Illustrators side teaches at least part of the Illustrators workshop. So everyone who is critical for getting results out the door is probably a bit preoccupied this week. Maybe they're time management savants and can do both at the same time; but I know I couldn't!

"Oh, dear. I seem to have misplaced my notes." ... *desperately tries to remember to thank her mother and L. Ron* "Anyhow, I'd, um, like to thank my Brom and Old Mother Hubbard for making this lifelong ...

Quote snipped for brevity, but Kary, I think I love you.

The 15th. Workshops start next week, gala at the end.

That's why many of us think that results are unlikely for a while. KD teaches the writer's workshop. Joni coordinates both workshops and the gala. I assume the coordinating judge on the Illustrators side teaches at least part of the Illustrators workshop. So everyone who is critical for getting results out the door is probably a bit preoccupied this week. Maybe they're time management savants and can do both at the same time; but I know I couldn't!

Just to increase the tension a little: I received my finalist phone call while Joni was at the Los Angeles science fiction convention: a convention she was organizing--oh, and this was all during Thanksgiving weekend. Apparently she can multi-task quite well. Just some food for thought.

Alistair, Alistair, Alistair... We're trying to calm people down... Get them to WRITE! WRITE! WRITE! etc.... And now you've stirred them up again, I'll bet. You're an instigator.

(And I should know: my nieces and nephews know me as Uncle Instigator. My siblings have another word for it...)

Whereas this is me...

*trips over her gown and does windmills trying not to pratfall*

*heel breaks off her shoe, so she hobbles the rest of way*

The heel did not break off my shoe, but it was my first night ever wearing that pair of shoes and the left shoe decided to partially slip off my foot as I was going up the stairs to the stage. I managed to get it back on without having to completely bend over and slip it back on, but the action was noticeable enough that my coworkers who were watching the live stream commented on it when I got back to work the next week. 🙁

Fortunately the night had more than enough good memories that I can live with having done a shoe hobble in front of the internet. ^_^

Alistair, Alistair, Alistair... We're trying to calm people down... Get them to WRITE! WRITE! WRITE! etc.... And now you've stirred them up again, I'll bet. You're an instigator.

(And I should know: my nieces and nephews know me as Uncle Instigator. My siblings have another word for it...)

Who me?

Just to increase the tension a little: I received my finalist phone call while Joni was at the Los Angeles science fiction convention: a convention she was organizing--oh, and this was all during Thanksgiving weekend. Apparently she can multi-task quite well. Just some food for thought.

So, what you are trying to tell us is that we are all getting finalist phone calls next week. Yeah!

All,

I couldnt' find my receipt for my entry and I'm pretty used to getting Rs by now, so I sent Joni an email to make sure they got my entry. This is what she said:

Dear Joe,

It is still being judged. You are in there just fine. Notices go out every week and this week more go out
tonight. It will take another month or so to get it all out.

Best,

Joni Labaqui

Thought you might like to know. Sorry to crush all the speculation.
Joe

Well OK then!

A-WOO-ga, A-WOO-ga! Brownie stations, everyone!!

Alrighty - get me a face-painting station over on the south quad. What? Um no, no glitter. We're talking camo, here.

Somebody call in the elves to attach sticks and leaves to anyone still standing. Yes, elves. Not faeries. Ok, fine, the faeries can set up too, but I'm not sure how many people want to be walking around with glimmery little wings on their backs.

Have the dwarves come in to shore up the trenches, and scramble the dragons for air cover.

Somebody add docmagik to the list of survivors. That leaves us with TWO-NINE. Does anyone copy?

Thought you might like to know. Sorry to crush all the speculation.
Joe

Ha! If you think speculation can be crushed around here, you need to read more...

All,

I couldnt' find my receipt for my entry and I'm pretty used to getting Rs by now, so I sent Joni an email to make sure they got my entry. This is what she said:

Dear Joe,

It is still being judged. You are in there just fine. Notices go out every week and this week more go out
tonight. It will take another month or so to get it all out.

Best,

Joni Labaqui

Thought you might like to know. Sorry to crush all the speculation.
Joe

Aaaaaaagh!
And there was me pretty much resigned for at least 10 days of silence.

Om

Om

Om

Om

All,

I couldnt' find my receipt for my entry and I'm pretty used to getting Rs by now, so I sent Joni an email to make sure they got my entry. This is what she said:

Dear Joe,

It is still being judged. You are in there just fine. Notices go out every week and this week more go out
tonight. It will take another month or so to get it all out.

Best,

Joni Labaqui

Thought you might like to know. Sorry to crush all the speculation.
Joe

Thanks for posting this, Joe, though I have to follow up before I start refreshing Duotrope or anything. When exactly did you send/receive this communication? Obviously if it was last week, then "this week more go out tonight" means last Tuesday, rather than tonight, tonight. If you got it today, however, yikes!

As for crushing speculation, knowing we have "another month" before final results is actually good, in that most of us can stand down for now. Even though we may be picked off one by one over the course of a month, at least we won't be expecting the big list until May.

Thanks for posting this, Joe, though I have to follow up before I start refreshing Duotrope or anything. When exactly did you send/receive this communication?

I received the email at 1:00 AM this morning (5 Apr). I sent my query roughly 8 hours before that. So, that would make tonight a very suspenseful evening for all of us that are still in. When she said "it will take another month" for everything to get out, I was assuming she meant EVERYTHING, not just rejections. 4-5 months seems to be the standard for announcing winners, if you consider last quarter (ended in Oct, results posted in Feb). It would be pretty rough if straight up rejections were still going out in May...that's worse than a Tor.com turnaround!

I received the email at 1:00 AM this morning (5 Apr). I sent my query roughly 8 hours before that. So, that would make tonight a very suspenseful evening for all of us that are still in.

Thanks for the quick follow-up! That's what I was hoping, though why I would hope that is a complex question I might need a team of therapists to help suss out.

It would be pretty rough if straight up rejections were still going out in May...that's worse than a Tor.com turnaround!

Indeed. Good luck tonight (and beyond)!

Message deleted due to lack of concentration.

I think he was querying, and is still in.

I think he was querying, and is still in.

I guess I should wake up and read what I'm writing.