Wulf Moon's SUPER SECRETS Workshop & Challenge!

Here is my 250, also based on the prompt "Promised You Heaven, Sent You to Hell"

Heaven or Bust

Purgatory was nothing more than an airport lounge with excellent lighting. Heaven’s Pearly Gates occupied the first terminal, flanked by St. Peter. The other terminal dead-ended in a port-a-loo style pit. I’ve never been one for ecclesiastic woo-ha, but this was a no-brainer. Heaven or bust, baby. Heaven or bust.

I made my way to the celestial self-service kiosk and pulled up the ten commandments. Had I spoken the Lord’s name in vain, coveted my neighbor’s wife, failed to keep the sabbath holy, worshiped other Gods, bore false witness, or committed adultery? Geeze, there wasn’t any middle ground with these guys.

I selected no to all.

A pop-up appeared, and I read it aloud. “You’ve disclosed ten sins. Please review and confirm.”

I jerked my hand back, half a heartbeat from a coronary fit. I took a deep breath, then carefully selected the edit button.

The pop-up disappeared, and the screen changed: your confessions have been recorded. A roaming attendant will escort you to your final destination. The kiosk spit out a bag tag with Hell printed on it. At the same time, the crowd parted, and a Dark Angel made his way toward me.

Yikes! Not what I had in mind.

In the opposite direction, I glimpsed St. Peter standing beside the Pearly Gates. He had the build of a NFL linebacker, but I reckoned I could take him. So, I tucked my chin and charged, dropping anyone in my path.

Heaven or bust, baby. Heaven or bust.

The End

Here's my 250, also (also also, Lol) based on "Promised You Heaven, Sent You to Hell":

Dark Promises

Jeyna pressed palms to eyes, heart fluttering. 

Damon clasped her elbows. “I’ll guide you.”

Her boots thumped soft ground, stirring scents of damp earth. “Are we still in the Veil?”

Veil-travel was a rare gifting, one only Jeyna knew he possessed. Trespassing the Faeside-Earth boundary risked the White Queen’s dungeons—or worse. Dangerous things inhabited the Veil. But today Damon promised something amazing to show Jeyna. Something she’d never forget.

Damon’s breath against her cheek eased Jeyna’s fears. She trusted him.

She loved him. 

His voice carried a smirk. “You’ll know soon.” He tugged her further.

Warmth spilled over Jeyna’s face and fingers.  Sugarblossom scent flooded the air.

Damon kissed the back of Jeyna’s neck. “Look.” 

A being towered over them, sun-gold and tall as a pearwood. Her dress hung in streams of light. Beams of hair spilled over her shoulders. Her eyes shimmered black onyx. “Hello, child.” All else was darkness.

“An angel,” Jeyna whispered.

The being smiled, rose gold over diamond teeth. “No angel.”

Jeyna reached behind. “Damon?”

He squeezed her hand. “It’s alright, promise.”

Darkness spilled from the being’s eyes, swallowing curves of face and dress. The being stepped forward, face flickering shadows.

Her crow-eyes glinted at Damon. “She’s young.”

Damon’s breath tickled Jeyna’s ear. “Seventeen.” 

“Do you love her?”

“Yes.”

Pleasure and fear raced through Jeyna, equal parts. He’d never said—why now?

The being nodded. “Your debt is paid.”

Jeyna stepped backward. Her hands found air.

“Innocent as promised.” The dark mouth grinned. “A perfect sacrifice.”

END

@ccrawford 

This one gave me chills! Gorgeous! ♥

@henckel 

I enjoyed the playfulness of this one. Nice!

All of these are so good, you guys. Everyone is so creative. Wow!

Love reading all of these ♥

@aliciacay thank you!

Here is my 250 written from the prompt “promised you Heaven, sent you to hell”

Heaven Without Sky

When I was a young boy, we looked out our spaceship porthole into the star-specked blackness, holding hands. The sickness hadn’t touched me yet. “Father, where is Heaven if there is no sky?”

“Heaven is simply being together.”

But now I’m dead. Together isn’t possible. I need to move beyond. Why won’t you let me?

As I drift closer to the stillness of beyond, you chant something from old-earth recordings. I’m pulled back to the metallic furnishings of our cabin. But not completely. Light is distorted by a smoke-like barrier. Sound passes as if through water.

Don’t you understand? If Heaven is being together, what’s this? Close enough to sense Heaven, but never able to touch it. It’s Hell. Just let me go.

I drift again, but not far.

Please stop. I’m tired. What if I’m stuck here forever? Through the smoke, I see you burning incense and reading from old paper books by candlelight. I boil with rage. I don’t have a voice, but I scream anyway.

The barrier thins. The ship shakes. Your eyes widen and you fall to the floor, scrambling away.

Your eyes. So tired. So red. Empty.

I understand. Heaven is being together. You’re in Hell too.

“I’ll stay with you as long as you need,” I say.

That’s all it takes. A hint of a spark brightens your eyes as a tear runs along your nose. We look out the porthole together as your pull releases, savoring our last moment of Heaven. 

Here's my 250 KYD written with the prompt of "Promised You Heaven, Sent You to Hell":

A Bite of Chocolate Chip Soul Cookie

Jess stepped onto Dandelion River Bridge and zipped up her aura-shielded leather jacket. She peered through ghost vision goggles. Shadows of rope dangled from the metal beams where Auntie April hung herself a month ago.

As president of the fledgling Ghost Hunters Association, Jess had promised to transcend the walls between the living and the afterlife. First step: prove GHA product functionality by capturing a ghost. Perfect excuse to save April from limbo.

Jess dipped a hand into her shoulder bag and raised a GHA cookie. Fall winds spread the scent of cinnamon spice soul shavings, a temptation for any wayward ghost craving heaven. Devices embedded in the chocolate chips transferred the victim’s spirit to the containment cube in Jess’s bag.

Dandelions trembled at the end of the bridge. White pappi fluff burst forth, a flurry of ghost fingers. A hundred tiny gray pigeon beaks, ghost teeth, raked Jess’s jacket. April’s blue eyes glimmered above the teeth along her faded nose.

Jess jammed the cookie into April's frigid maw. “Got you.”

April spit crumbs and bit Jess’s hand. Chocolate-stained teeth pierced through to bone and soul.

Jess screamed but shoved more cookies in April. Then she reached for the cube and powered it up.

The chocolate chip devices rang from April’s mouth and buzzed in Jess’s shredded hand. The cube dragged them into containment, mashing and blending their souls.

Walls transcended. Product a success.

Last step: signal headquarters for extraction before they completely lost themselves to their new prison.

END

Posted by: @aliciacay

@henckel 

I enjoyed the playfulness of this one. Nice!

All of these are so good, you guys. Everyone is so creative. Wow!

Love reading all of these ♥

Thank you ? 

Since we've had a couple of adjustments to our membership this year, I thought it wise to post the roster again so we remember who is officially registered in this workshop. This is our final quarter for the Volume 38 year.

The Super Secrets TOP GUN Year Roster
Final Quarter Q4 Volume 38 

Leah Ning: Keeper of Records 

1. Henckel 
2. RSchibler 
3. CCrawford
4. crlisle
5. AjZach 
6. ZeeTeeBeeZ 
7. rjklee
8. empressed

This year, I've reduced the manuscript edit reward (stories around 5000 words) to two per quarter, and contest placement for the last quarter results determines who gets them. Congratulations to empressed and Henckel! Please send me your manuscript no later than August 31st, 2021.

Special commendation to challenge beastie rjklee for earning his FIRST RESPECTABLE SALE in the Cryptids anthology! A respectable six cents a word, and his story will be in a print anthology! In addition to this workshop's requirements, he set a goal of getting 100 rejections last year, and he exceeded it! We've all been rooting for him and I'm happy to say all that hard work has paid off! Well done, Ryland!

Ryland did post as to where this story came from: a Kill Your Darlings exercise done in this very workshop! Here's his words: "What is of especial interest for this group is that the story started off as my KYD entry to join Super Secrets Bonus Challenge Vol 37 in October 2019. We had to share a KYD in its 500-word and 250-word stages in order to be considered for that challenge group, and I believe those KYD also received feedback from Moon on the forum. After revision, I started subbing it around."

Congratulations, Ryland! We salute your noble efforts, your grit, and your first respectable sale! May there be many more! 

Speaking of KYD exercises, I see the Top Gun class has completed their latest missions. Let's analyze their flight recordings over the course of this week, shall we? I think you'll see why these naval aviators have what's called The Right Stuff.

Commander "Beastmaster" Moon

Hey, folks! Happy Monday! Today's Monday prompt is: HUSH MONEY.

@ccrawford I was a little confused at the opening as far as POV, but man, this packs a punch!

@zeeteebeez Holy smokes. This could be gut-wrenching! 

@rjklee NEAT concept! 

@crlisle I love this, Candice! So much opportunity for pain. 😀 

@rschibler How many times can I say "like?" Wow!

Ok, I wanted to read everyone's before posting and I think I did, but now I'm terrified. These were amazing. Here goes:

The Space Jinn and the Pirate

Armin stared at the approaching spaceship and pondered escape. After thousands of millenia as a jinn, he hated masters, but didn't want freedom because it meant losing the universe and eternity. Still, although he'd promised himself heaven when he turned his home into a spaceship, solitude became hell.

Hope for company defeated his fear of abuse. Armin helped the captain out of her airlock onto his metal deck.

"Thanks," she said. "Nice to meet someone out here."

She had dark skin and grey-streaked chestnut hair tied into a bun that smelled like poppies.

Her eyes bulged at his conjured decaliter; enough water to keep her wealthy for years. "I can't take that. Not for towing a working ship."

Armin blinked.

"I've got enough salvage. What I want as payment for 'rescuing' you is—"

Please don't say it.

"I wish you'd tell me what you're doing out here."

Armin told her his name and species of jinn, and why he fled Earth. "I want friendship with an equal. What is your next command, my mistress?"

"I'd like to be as fit as I was fifteen years ago and to stay that way until the partner I need tires of me or my appearance. He'll need experience with people. We'll be equals in our company and I will never tell him what to do but will always seek his opinion. If he'll accept my offer."

Even the heavens could be hell without a friend.

@empressed Thanks! And yeah, I see how the opening is a bit confusing. I'll note that for the future.

Don’t miss my latest Super Secrets of Writing article at DreamForge Anvil magazine. “The Three-Act Structure, a’ la Moon.” Free to read! I discuss this ancient Greek story template, and why it has stood the test of time. As the Greeks would say, this simple system is epic!

Kill Your Darlings Exercise:  250s for the Q4 Super Secrets Top Gunners

I’m about to offer constructive comments on the 250-word vignettes you see posted here. These are called KYDs, or Kill Your Darlings exercises. There's several steps to them, and you can learn them yourself in the upcoming books!

I designed this exercise to win a major international flash fiction contest, the first of its kind, and I won week after week with my entries. 25,000 to 30,000 250-word vignettes were submitted over the course of the year from writers all over the world. At the end they had fifty-two first place winners, one from each week. Twelve industry professionals judged these for the grand prize. Two of mine placed in the top ten, one of them earning the grand prize where I was also awarded the title of Writer of the Year.

I taught my KYD exercise to this workshop’s members. It’s a challenging exercise, but I commend them for doing the work. This year, they’ve been doing one KYD a month based on a weekly writing prompt. 

What have been the total results for those that have done this exercise in the Super Secrets Workshop? Too many to count, but I'll share a few. Brittany Rainsdon turned her KYD into a tale that became her first respectably published story in Deep Magic magazine. That story was so strong, it also went on to be selected for Best of Deep Magic Anthology Two. Liz Ticknor took her KYD from the exercise she did in the workshop, turned it into a story, and earned fourth place for the quarter in Writers of the Future. You don’t get to go to Hollywood with that, but it shows you how strong her finalist story was based on a KYD. RJK Lee just sold his story to a respectable anthology that was based off the KYD 250 he did in this workshop. And there are many other wonderful results for workshop members that did this training exercise. The point is, KYD is a great tool to help you become a better writer.

The Top Gun workshop members have been at KYD all year. Let’s see how well they’ve done. And if you want to really see the difference, go back to their submissions when I first introduced the exercise--some of them were in the workshop then. Night and day difference. But that’s what practice—smart practice—does for a writer.

It makes us better.

Woo Hoo!!! Thanks @wulfmoon 

@henckel I'm loving your updated signature. So exciting to see your progress!

Posted by: @ccrawford

@henckel I'm loving your updated signature. So exciting to see your progress!

Yeah, I love it, too. @henckel, for a post here if you wish, would you mind sharing that signature chart again, and mark when you began the Super Secrets Workshop? It's been fascinating to watch all our challenge beasties' results from before, during, and after the workshop. Those signature lines really do say it all. At the end of this year, I think I'll have everyone that's ever been in this workshop do the same thing if they wish. Thanks! Nice work!

While I'm here, and since we're showing KYD progress in this last quarter of the Top Gun Super Secrets' year, I'd like to share Crystal Crawford's recent success that she posted to my Discord Wulf Pack Chat. With her permission:

"The story I sold to DreamForge was one of the tightest stories I've ever written. It was a big story, big world with lots of history, some necessary to make the current situation make sense. My first draft had exposition dumps but I applied what I've been learning in KYD to it and the end result came out tight and quick--first time I've felt my pacing click quite like that."

Well done on leveling up with your first respectable sale, Crystal! I know you have several published indie novels, but having a publication like DreamForge Anvil buy your story is a different kind of validation. A respected SF editor chose your story out of over 500 in that open call period! Scot Noel paid you money for your words, will publish it in both e-zine and later in a multiple issue print copy, AND create an illustration for your first published short story! AWESOME!

An important takeaway I see here is that the Kill Your Darlings exercise taught Crystal how to see a major issue and fix it before she sent it to this market. Note that putting into practice what she had learned in the micro trained her to see what to do in the macro. And what does it mean when you say for the first time, your pacing clicked? It means as she applied the lessons learned through KYD practice, the story flowed. She didn't struggle--it came together swiftly and naturally. That's what the system does after you practice it for awhile--it reroutes your neural pathways, so you're growing your stories in plowed and tilled fields that are ready to nourish and sprout those story seeds, instead of having to force your way through unworked gray matter that fights your plow.

Crystal did the work. Smart work, that transforms how you write. She said more with less, focused on the emotional heart of her story (a required element of KYD), and made her first sale. 

Well done, naval aviator! I'll be smiling ear to ear when your story comes out in DreamForge Anvil! 

Commander "Beastmaster" Moon

Posted by: @rschibler

Here is my 250, based on the prompt "promised me heaven, sent me to hell".

Once, Ever After

Once, upon a time, I got lost at the library. I fell between thin pages pressing against goose-prick flesh, musky dusty carpet and creaky towering shelves muffled by what I could only imagine.

For minutes and months I wandered. Story, promised heaven, flooded every sense. Meadow's dew, hot breath at the nape of my neck, voices calling from faded black holes of ink stretching me thinner and thinner until I disappeared and words were all that remained.

The journey came to an end, as journeys are wont to do. The hero triumphed, transformed, and I with them. The villain defeated, defiant, and determined to rise again, and I did not dare to breathe.

The moment passed and I tried to inhale, but nothing came. Unaware and unconscious, I'd been sent to hell in a paperback. The smooth paper between my fingertips crept along my arms until pressed pulp was all that remained. I tried to scream but the book stole my voice.

Hush, this is a library.

The book closed. I remained between the silent pages on the shelf, somewhere between magazines with dogeared quizzes and books none read for pleasure.

I am lost in the library.

Save me.

Open the pages, read me from this prison of ink and glue, cardboard and dust. Take my place until a fresh fingertip drifts down the title page, unaware their skin thins, words crawling into ears and eyes, until they are the story and the story is them.

Happily.

Ever after.

END

Our first catch of the day! Thanks for being brave and posting your KYD 250 first, R Schibbler (Becky).

Here’s a few items I judge KYD 250s by:

1. Title reflects theme

2. Protagonist named and described immediately

3. Genre cue in in the beginning

4. Clarity of heart’s desire in the opening, fulfillment (or loss) of heart’s desire in the end.

5. Vivid setting

6. Significant, compelling problem

7. Evocative prose

8. Pro dialogue (natural speech and flow, tags only as necessary, no saidisms)

9. Last line sticks the landing, often tying back to the opening promise with a mighty gut punch, weighty significance, surprising twist, or poignant wrap-up.

10. I am emotionally involved from beginning to end.

So let’s have a look both at what’s working, and what might be improved in this 249-word KYD.

First, the strengths:

It’s filled with vibrant, evocative prose with word choices like meadow’s dew, faded black holes of ink, and words crawling into ears and eyes. These code up vivid pictures in the reader’s mind because they are not generic terms. The prose whispers of poetry, but keeps within the bounds of a vignette. I am sure Becky will be pleased these evoked comparisons in my mind to elements of Ray Bradbury’s prose.

The protagonist is not named, which makes this an allegory instead of a vignette about an individual. If this is the case, then the generic book reader in the library represents anyone that gets wrapped up in the pages of a book, and the lack of a name keeps this in the allegory.

Once, upon a time, is a genre cue. Many fantasy stories began this way, and still do. So genre is identified up front with a bright and shiny pennant. This is a good thing. And it didn’t deliver a different genre by the end. The vignette stayed true to its genre cue: this is fantasy, through and through.

Heart’s desire is clear. This person wants to get lost in the library, which appears to be heaven. But they also get captured by the tales in the books, long after the covers are closed. This becomes the problem--taken to hell, because they cannot set their mind free of the story. Lost in the library is repeated, but it now means something different from the line in the opening. They are trapped between the pages because the story won’t let them go. Nice!

Last line sticks the landing by tying back into the opening. Stories that open with “once upon a time” often end with happily ever after. Full circle endings are very satisfying because they tie a neat bow around the story, often validating that the opening promise has been fulfilled.

Now for some constructive comments:

Goose-prick flesh is not a common usage, so it bounced me out of your spell by being odd. Goose bumps or goose-bumped flesh is commonly used, and would have kept me in. In this small a piece, you cannot afford even one pothole.

“Hush, this is a library” is a great line. But what comes before it seems to have left the allegory and taken on the literal. The protagonist does appear to be trapped and wants to scream and cannot because the book stole the protagonist’s voice. If this is allegory, which it appears to be, the library stole the protagonist’s voice, because you cannot scream in a library. Which is proven by the next line, “Hush, this is a library.”

I am unsure how the protagonist is freed by someone reading the book and taking their place. I don’t think you’re ever freed from the spell of a good book. It haunts you forever. Instead, I’d rework this to have the reader join the protagonist, trapped just as they have been, each in their separate cells, but under the same life sentence.

Finally, the problem is compelling, and one many readers can identify with. We do get lost in books, and sometimes we wish we could never leave. I have met people that cannot cope with the real world, and are consumed by the artificial world within books. Famous writers know them well. They’re called stalkers.

Very nice job on this KYD, Becky. It’s deep and has power. If you expand it back out, I’d make sure by your coding it stays clearly in the allegory. Or you can make it about a literal person, but I’d advise against that. There are many movies, novels, and stories written about people literally falling into the world within a book. It is dangerous to write within a trope, because it’s hard to create something new within the old. Fresh, original ideas are what capture the imagination of editors, and of many readers. The original thing here is the allegory, where you capture the emotional essence of what it’s like to be trapped within the pages of a book.

It can be a happily. Ever after.

Commendations to your writing. 

Commander “Beastmaster” Moon

@wulfmoon Thank you! I'm super excited about this first story sale. Time to go write and sell another one! 😉 

@wulfmoon thank you! Much appreciated. It’s a fine line between poetic and unfamiliar/confusing. Thanks for all your hard work and energy to help us along and make our writing stronger. It’s deeply appreciated. 

Posted by: @ccrawford

@wulfmoon Thank you! I'm super excited about this first story sale. Time to go write and sell another one! 😉 

Exciting to read these as they are coming in!

Here's my KYD exercise, also on the Promised you heaven, sent you to hell prompt:

Afterlife of the Slayer

The dragon was an easy kill. Old and withered it baked its black body on a rock, not fearing his approach. The golden eye of the beast watched the man who would be king, warning him. He hesitated over that pleading eye, yet plunged.

It was sixty years since the words had slipped from the wise woman’s stained lips. “The one who slays the dragon will be marked into eternity.” He could not climb that mountain now, nor sink a knife into a beast’s heart. Even if he wished to.

On his deathbed, the king’s thoughts turned to the eternity of glory he was promised. He need not fear dark and death, he had killed the black dragon.

His breaths grew shallower, but then he awoke. Cold, damp, dark. His footsteps rang as he walked on slimy stones. He struggled, falling to his aching knees. He was old still.

He found a great door in the dark. He pushed it forward.

It opened to a room that blinded him with orange light and hot steam on his face. Great islands rested between the lava flows, cracked and dry from the baking heat. Down below, lay a great black form.

Breathless and aching, he approached the beast, stumbling over dark stones. It turned its head, cracked a golden eye and smiled, showing its white fangs. It unraveled around him and stretched like a cat. It was now sleek, its scales shimmering in the orange light.

“We meet again. Welcome to eternity.”

Posted by: @wulfmoon

Posted by: @ccrawford

@henckel I'm loving your updated signature. So exciting to see your progress!

Yeah, I love it, too. @henckel, for a post here if you wish, would you mind sharing that signature chart again, and mark when you began the Super Secrets Workshop?  

Thanks @ccrawford and @wulfmoon.

Here’s my chart, including genre and submission wordcount.

(2014) V31 Q1 – R (2,100-word fantasy)

(2018) V35 Q3 – HM (13,700-word science fiction)

(2019) V36 Q3 – HM (7,800-word fantasy)

---I think this is the about the time I joined Wulf Moon’s Super-Secret Workshop---

(2019) V36 Q4 – SHM (13,400-word science fiction)

(2020) V37 Q1 – R (4,200-word science fiction) … this is what happens when you have 2 spelling mistakes in the first paragraph!

(2020) V37 Q2 – HM (6,500-word science fiction)

(2020) V37 Q3 – SHM (???-word science fiction)

(2020) V37 Q4 – Finalist (???-word science fiction)

(2021) V38 Q1 – Semi-finalist (6,400-word word fantasy)

(2021) V38 Q2 – SHM (8,500-word science fiction)

(2021) V38 Q3 – tba (5,300-word fantasy)

Other stats

(2020) - Dream Foundry - Shortlisted

(2021) - Mike Resnick Memorial Award - Finalist

Observations and other semi-weird facts:

• As of my Q3 submission, I’ve entered 11 times.
• The last 9 of those have been back-to-back submissions.
• My target wordcount is about 6k.
• Wulf Moon’s KYD has been the single most beneficial lesson I’ve learned in years! It tells you how to find the heart of your story (We say this a lot on the forum, but Moon may want to elaborate as to what this means and why it is essential to a viable story) and trains you to get as much target meaning from as few words as possible (Again, Moon may want to elaborate on why fewer words is important).  
• My stories are all character stories. I focus 100% on character arc THEN plot external events that are (1) realistic within the context of the story and (2) enable realistic progression of the arc. Hence, arc comes first.
• My stories tend to take place on farms, in the old west, or have strong primitive element. NYC will never feature in any of my stories. Ever.
• I’ve been published three times (one of which is in the same anthology as @crlisle!!!)
• In the 12 years I’ve been writing, I’ve not made a single cent from my stories. And if you’d tell me I won’t make a cent for another 12 years, I’d still keep writing.
• I LOVE finding my writing blind spots. It’s like candy because I get to learn something new.
• Humor is my crutch.
• I can’t spell worth a dim!

Posted by: @henckel

I can’t spell worth a dim!

Classic, henckel! Makes the point above that one wring true.

Encouraging points, by the way.

@henckel 

Great chart there, Christopher. It's very revealing. At the end of this quarter, I'll make that a last assignment for all. Thanks for sharing, and for the bonus details!