Wulf Moon's SUPER SECRETS Workshop & Challenge!

Posted by: @zeeteebeez

Here is my 250 written from the prompt “promised you Heaven, sent you to hell”

 

Heaven Without Sky

 

When I was a young boy, we looked out our spaceship porthole into the star-specked blackness, holding hands. The sickness hadn’t touched me yet. “Father, where is Heaven if there is no sky?”

 

“Heaven is simply being together.”

 

But now I’m dead. Together isn’t possible. I need to move beyond. Why won’t you let me?

 

As I drift closer to the stillness of beyond, you chant something from old-earth recordings. I’m pulled back to the metallic furnishings of our cabin. But not completely. Light is distorted by a smoke-like barrier. Sound passes as if through water.

 

Don’t you understand? If Heaven is being together, what’s this? Close enough to sense Heaven, but never able to touch it. It’s Hell. Just let me go.

 

I drift again, but not far.

 

Please stop. I’m tired. What if I’m stuck here forever? Through the smoke, I see you burning incense and reading from old paper books by candlelight. I boil with rage. I don’t have a voice, but I scream anyway.

 

The barrier thins. The ship shakes. Your eyes widen and you fall to the floor, scrambling away.

 

Your eyes. So tired. So red. Empty.

 

I understand. Heaven is being together. You’re in Hell too.

 

“I’ll stay with you as long as you need,” I say.

 

That’s all it takes. A hint of a spark brightens your eyes as a tear runs along your nose. We look out the porthole together as your pull releases, savoring our last moment of Heaven. 

Zeet gives us his result from doing the KYD Kill Your Darlings Exercise.

It clocks in at 248, at 250-words or under like it's supposed to be. Did he kill his darlings, or did he try to cram an oak tree into the space of a bonsai? Let us see . . .

This is a transcendental piece, poetic in nature while still being prose. It's loaded with concise thoughts about complex issues of what the afterlife might be like. "Heaven is simply being together." You have a "smoke-like barrier." "Sound passes as if through water." Things in the reader's reality, to explain a nebulous realm that could be hard to visualize, so you ground your reader with things they can relate to.

There's a clear statement of Heart's Desire here. "I need to move beyond. Why won't you let me?" We clearly see the need of the protagonist, and Zeet does a great job of clearly stating the inciting incident and opposing force. His protagonist is dead, but he's stuck in a barrier, held there by another's will.

The problem builds. There is no escape from this limbo. Emotional tension builds until the protagonist says:  I boil with rage. I don’t have a voice, but I scream anyway.

This is a nice touch, because this character was being swept along by circumstance, but the silent scream appears to break the spell. So does empathy, where he understands his father is going through hell as well. And that's character growth, a necessary element in positive stories. Nicely done, Zeet!

Great ending line with emotional punch. "We look out the porthole together as your pull releases, savoring our last moment of Heaven."

Lots of great things going for this, and another great play on the prompt: Promised you heaven, sent you to hell. Good job!

Some constructive comments:

This vignette has strong elements. The final phase of this exercise is actually to expand the 250 back into a flash or short story *after* focusing on the beating heart. This has all the focus necessary to make a strong story that could sell or win this contest. But the climactic moment is muddled. It's here:

The barrier thins. The ship shakes. Your eyes widen and you fall to the floor, scrambling away.

What actually happened there? Did the protagonist become visible? Did the father sense his son? We are told no sound emanates, the ship simply shakes, so why does the father stumble in shock and fall away? It needs to be clear that the protagonist was able to cross back, even in ghostly form. Then, the father's shock makes sense. The shaking ship has no causal link to his son that the father could pick up on in this piece. So do fix that.

Also, remind us this scene still involves the father after the protagonist dies. Some time has passed, because the son talks about the past, that the sickness hasn't touched him yet. It's a simple thing to add one word (you have the room): *Father*, why won't you let me?

I have age/maturity questions on your protagonist. He speaks of the past, when he was a "young boy." How old is he now? He seems fairly mature, so I can't determine how much time has passed before he died.

The last lines are good, I'm just not sure why the son saying, "I'll stay with you as long as you need," allows the father to let go. Also, how does the father hear this? The issue would be solved if the son actually does appear in a ghostly form, OR if his words whisper into the material world of their cabin or into his father's mind. Clarity at the end will make this stronger.

I see good things in this, and if you can create the Reader/Hero bond before the boy dies, it will have a stronger emotional punch. That's because your readers will have seen your hero as a real person they can identify with before he becomes a nebulous spirit creature. Get us to fall in love with your hero through the little sparkly details, then when you crush your hero's dreams, you crush the reader's hearts a little, too. Maybe even enough to make them cry. If you can pull that trick off with Dave, you've got a winner on your hands.

Great job, Zeet! You've got a pretty bonsai here. Cut it loose and grow it out now.

Carry on, Top Gun naval aviator!

@wulfmoon thanks moon! Great points!

My next Super Secrets of Writing article is out at DreamForge Anvil!

This Secret makes all the difference in moving your protagonists from victims to victors! 

https://bit.ly/DF-Anvil-Character-Agency

Hello fellow forumites. It is worth your time to read Wulf's article on character agency. After reading his words I plan to write an mc about a reluctant hero who want's to kill before helping, but something inside changes, stay tuned.

Happy Monday, folks! Today's Monday prompt is: CROCODILE TEARS. 

Posted by: @wulfmoon

My next Super Secrets of Writing article is out at DreamForge Anvil!

This Secret makes all the difference in moving your protagonists from victims to victors! 

https://bit.ly/DF-Anvil-Character-Agency

This is a GREAT article!

@henckel Thanks, Christopher! May it help you create your winner! Those who read it have an edge! It’s a huge issue with aspiring writer stories.

Speaking of stories, you and Victoria earned edits on your stories for Q4 as a reward for your excellent results in Q2. I’ll need those by the end of the month. Please keep them to 5000 words or so, 6k max. 

Happy writing!

Thanks Moon. I'm drafting my Q4 now. Looks like I'll hit close to 7k in draft, then I'll crunch it back down to about 4500 words for the final version. ... got to K my Ds

@wulfmoon Trust me, I've not forgotten! LOL I'm just trying to not embarrass myself. Hoping to get it to you within a few days.

Posted by: @empressed

@wulfmoon Trust me, I've not forgotten! LOL I'm just trying to not embarrass myself. Hoping to get it to you within a few days.

Better to get it right than to get it in early. Let it breathe. I have other jobs, including my KYD master class, that will take me to the end of the month. I won’t start on the Top Gun edits until September. 

All the beast!

Very happy about this. The Kill Your Darlings Master Class just sold out. Truth be told, my workshops have always sold out, from 20 spots to 50 plus (some with such high demand I've had to do an overflow workshop), but this is the first time I'm conducting one entirely through my own company, not in association with a convention or Kickstarter. Many thanks to all for your support, shares, likes, and encouragement to teach this Super Secrets of Writing master class! And to all the Super Secrets Workshop members that have proven the Kill Your Darlings Exercise works!

but this is the first time I'm conducting one entirely through my own company

That is awesome Wulf. Giant strides into the future making you are.

Morning, folks! Today's Monday prompt is: WAR ZONE.

To All Authors in the 37th Volume Challenge Beasties and The Top Gun Challenge: (if you're part of the WOTF FORUM, I already consider you an AUTHOR.

I am pleased to announce my science fiction novel is published. (after the obligatory 72-hour review period is over). If anyone is interested in reading it, I hereby give my imprimatur to WULF MOON to reveal my true name and the title of my book.

It will be available in Kindle and paperback.

BEST WISHES TO ALL OF YOU FOR YOUR CONTINUED SUCCESS. I KNOW YOU WILL REACH THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN.

Regards,

Retro

Posted by: @retropianoplayer

To All Authors in the 37th Volume Challenge Beasties and The Top Gun Challenge: (if you're part of the WOTF FORUM, I already consider you an AUTHOR.

 

I am pleased to announce my science fiction novel is published. (after the obligatory 72-hour review period is over). If anyone is interested in reading it, I hereby give my imprimatur to WULF MOON to reveal my true name and the title of my book.

It will be available in Kindle and paperback.

 

BEST WISHES TO ALL OF YOU FOR YOUR CONTINUED SUCCESS. I KNOW YOU WILL REACH THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN.

 

Regards,

 

Retro

Barry,

I know the title is RETRIEVAL, and I do know your full name. You are a member of the SUPER SECRETS Workshop. Go ahead and post your name and details and a link to your book as well. There's another place within the forum to post successes, and you're welcome to post there.

I wish you much success on your first novel! I know you've worked hard on it. Congratulations!

All the beast!

Wulf Moon

Thank you, Wulf.

You are a true leader - wise beyond your years, and your continued instruction will benefit all AUTHORS on this forum to refine and augment their craftsmanship, as it has already "made" winners to this contest.

This 463-page Science Fiction novel has been a labor of love over the past seven years. Although the Kindle version is ready, the paperback is still in the 72-hour review process.

Best,

Retro

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09DRTCNGK/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=barry+m.+goldsmith&qid=1630087558&sr=8-1

Congratulations, Retro/Barry! 😀

@retropianoplayer  Congratulations again, challenge beastie! I look forward to reading it!

Thanks, again, Wulf and Empressed! This has been a learning experience for this Boomer, lol - terms such as "gutter margin," "trim size," "2-D Low Res," "3-D Hi Res." And where would we be without the infamous "Drop Cap"? 

Darn, you need a PH. D. in "Formatting 301" and here I thought one could just copy and paste your Microsoft Word document into a book, lol!

My daughter, who's published 2 poetry books, and offers professional formatting services, was able to help me negotiate through these unchartered waters, and is mentioned in the ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS section.

Regards,

Retro 

Many thanks to Swift for posting prompts from our list! Commandeering the Monday prompt today, because I’d like to see you work some stories on this one:

SPECIAL DELIVERY

It’s exciting to get a package at the door. It always feels like someone sent me a present! Sometimes they have, and at other times, it’s from me! Thank you, Moon, I never knew you cared! ? But what if it was me from another dimension, trying to save me from a terrible event Alt Me knew was about to happen? Or what if it was me, trying to finish the other me off to take my place in this other kinder, gentler world?

Or what if packages got mixed up, and you were sent the final product from a mad scientist? The hit notice for a hired killer? The ticket to a modern version of Mummer’s Night? Tempting ...

Let this prompt tempt you with twists and turns. The unexpected surprise that is plausible is always a delight to editors and readers. Make the surprise package a portal ... to adventure! (Oooh, a real portal as you reach inside the box!)

You have your orders. This is Q4, flyboys. You think one trip to the skies will secure you your place on the immortal top honors plaque? Rack up another mission, and submit your best. If you don’t, you can be damn sure someone else is. This is Top Gun! Dismissed.

Commander “Beastmaster” Moon

Thanks for the prompt, Moon and congratulations on your novel, @retropianoplayer !!! That's amazing!

@wulfmoon oooh! This looks like FUN! Chills...just chills

To be clear on your expectations, do you want a KYD and then a story created from it? And we post the story here? or do we post the KYD?

@crlisle It’s a special Monday prompt. Optional. If you’re having a hard time creating a cool idea for Q4, maybe this will help. Just for you to use as you see fit, KYD or short story if you like it, but not to post here. I’m still catching up on the 250s everyone posted here. Cheers!

Congratulations on your novel Barry. I'm looking forward to reading it.

Thank you, Swift and Storysinger. I'm absolutely convinced you and Swift will have novels of your own.

These past few years (almost a decade now), the words of Instruction Number 171 from The Complete Life's Little Instruction Book rang in my ears: "Never give up on what you really want to do. The person with big dreams is more powerful than one with all the facts."

You guys rock!

Best,

Retro

Today, I sold my 24-hour story to a pro-paying anthology, written at the Writers of the Future Workshop. In case you don't know this famous WotF exercise, Tim Powers walks around the classroom with a top hat pulling out cool items you write a story on in, you guessed it,  24 hours. Yeah, I'm the lucky dog that got handed a blank 3x5 card, both sides white, for my story prompt. Talk about a challenge! I've been so busy since returning from the workshop, I never bought out the time to touch the story up and send it to a market. I know, bad boy! But the right pro-paying anthology appeared, and I knew this story could hit the mark. Boom. Sold first time out! Let that be a lesson to you, Commander Moon! 

More news to come. We've got even more good news from a Top Gun member, and I'm really happy about it. Contracts must be signed first, but we'll be shooting off fireworks soon! 

But let me just say quietly one more time ...

I SOLD MY 24-HOUR STORY!!!

Congratulations, Wulf. Well done!

To all Authors on this Forum: Just got notified in mail Smoking Pen Press is on the hunt for short stories for their READ ON THE RUN anthology. It runs from October 15th, 2021 to December 30th, 2021. Authors will be notified at the end of February, 2022. Let's polish off our Kill Your Darlings, augment them, and submit. Theme is -- wait for it -- ANOTHER DIMENSION. Stories about time travel or multiverse/universe/dimensions.

And you can submit MULTIPLE SUBMISSIONS. U.S. and Canada authors, prizes are $20 or 2 copies of the paperback anthology.

Best,

Retro

A WotF Q4 reminder. One month to go, and this is it for the year. Pull out all the stops on this one—if you don’t win, it’s another year in the trenches. You might think you have a good story, but why not write another? I just gave you a solid prompt. Think about it. Make sure you get eyes on your work that are skilled and know how to craft stories that sell and win. What wins? Original idea, flawlessly executed, with an emotional gut punch. Make Dave cry! Don’t lose sight of your ultimate target. May the Force be with you. That is all.?

@wulfmoon Congrats on selling the 24-hour story! And I'm so excited to see you are sharing TOC with one of our members for that anthology!

@retropianoplayer I grabbed myself a copy of your new book. Looking forward to reading it later this year. Congrats on getting it published!