Wulf Moon's SUPER SECRETS Workshop & Challenge!

 I really liked this story and now to rework and send back out. 

Posted by: @jarrodkwilliams

 I really liked this story and now to rework and send back out. 

Well done, Jerrod! I know this was a level-up moment for you! Awesome showing! My advice? Don’t rework it. Just get a check by someone with good credits to see if there was something glaringly obvious that might have held it back. If they don’t see anything major, send it out and go write your next! It could be your winner …

HM for me this round! Happy with that after listening to Kary's WotF podcast about the Don'ts of submissions and realizing I broke one of her rules on openings (don't worry, it was NOT a waking up opening or driving to the story)!

Posted by: @physa

Congrats to all that placed in the WOTF Q1. My name was not appearing on any list. Guess I'll have to wait for the email to see what form of rejection I received, but even with the RWC it's still a guess as to which element was the problem. Thanks to all that provided feedback on my Q1 entry. Maybe one day I'll get there.

You’ll get there, Amy. You have all the tools you need to do so here, and I know you have teamed up with challenge beasties and have good help. Keep learning, keep doing the smart practice, keep listening to good advice given, and it will come. Perseverance yields rewards!

Brastmaster Moon

Still looking for a few more in this challenge to check in with Q1 results. This is how we gauge our progress. Keep writing fresh stories! Our skills advance with every story we write. Cheers!

@wulfmoon thanks for the encouraging words...

Congrats to everyone regarding WOTF Q1. Whether you are on the list or not, just submitting is worthwhile. I'm getting ready to submit a story soon. Also have a flash under consideration at Factor Four. 

@wulfmoon If I could double-like this tip I would. 

I fall into that endless rinse-and-repeat cycle and then end up questioning my questions and throwing the story back in the file cabinet. 

I do have older stories that I felt I didn't have the talent, at the time, to make the tale what it could be and filed them away.  I wouldn't consider them a rewrite/edit in the sense of your tip, since they are years old (I mean like 10-25 year old tales).  I am enjoying going through those older tales and breathing life into them.  These tales are whispering to me to edit, rewrite, edit, etc. and I holding back the urge to fall down that rabbit hole.  

Thanks for the tips.

Posted by: @wulfmoon

Moon’s SUPER SECRET #13: DON’T OVEREDIT!

This one is going to be controversial. I have friends that have won WotF by rewriting and rewriting and rewriting the same story and taking it from rejection, to honors, to a contest win. Congrats and good for them, I’m proud of them. But this is *Moon’s* super secrets. I’m telling you how I won. And maybe, just maybe, there’s some wisdom in my method.

When we’re really in touch with our subconscious, our writing flies. It’s filled with energy and excitement and even otherworldly brilliance. How this beautiful baby came about, we don’t quite know. We were there. We know the act that brought about its genesis. But it’s still a miracle. Think about it. We strung together some symbols trying to convey what was inside of us, and those symbols, executed properly, are going to ignite thoughts and feelings and visions in another human being. We can transport a reader from their world into another world. Our world. And if we’re really good, we might make them laugh, or cry, or hope, or dream, or maybe even help them look on their own life or the world around them in a whole new way. Some readers have even said a story saved their life in their darkest hour. Your transcribed code, touching people like that? That’s real magic.

But our story never gets that chance…because we think we can make it *better.* And so we move our front to the back, the back to the front, we play with each sentence, we pull up our thesaurus to hunt for bigger words, better words, than the words our subconscious just gifted us with. We think we’ve improved our story, when in fact, we’ve just diminished it.

I teach watercolor. I used to have my own public studio. Today, I teach now and then, when people ask. I’ve watched artists make beautiful paintings—myself included—and then think if they just touch this up or that up, add a few more strokes here, a new color there, the painting will be perfect. And then they scrutinize it so much they see more things to fix, and more and more, and suddenly, they went one stroke too far, and the painting is ruined. They may not even know it. But it is.

I teach my students to use the creative energy that got them excited about creating the painting to have fun. I always tell them just have fun, because if they don’t, it will show up in their work. I also tell them to stop when their vision materializes on the page. Try to do it with the least number of brush strokes, and walk away from the painting as soon as you have accomplished your vision. And then I tell them after letting it sit, take a cautious look at it. Be very careful about going back in, because it’s a house of cards, and adding one more card, one more stroke, can make the entire construct tumble…

It’s that way with writing. We bring all this energy and excitement into the creative process, and our words sparkle with the power of creation. And then we think, “I know just how to make this better! And this, and this, and this!” And guess what happens? All those pretty washes in our painting, all those creative flourishes, they get turned into mud because we overwork them. We keep adding layers, more and more and more seeking perfection, and the fact is, perfection is the enemy of good. We wipe out all that excitement and spontaneity in the story. What was raw and filled with wonder is now bland and pedestrian.

I’m not saying you can’t rewrite. We all have rewritten stories, or find a scene doesn’t quite have the right elements in it. What I’m saying is *beware* the rewrite. You can ruin a good thing, so decide whether you really and truly need to go back in. What I’m also saying is that the more you write, the less you will feel it necessary to redo what you have created. You’re going to understand there is raw power here, even creative bursts that cannot be duplicated. You’re going to see the beauty in the rough gemstone, which can be even more stunning than the cut and faceted gem every jewelry store on the planet carries in their shiny halogen-lit display case. You’re going to be writing so well, you don’t need to go back.

Shouldn’t that be the goal? To get so good at your writing, you don’t have to spend hours and hours on rewrites? Writing fresh will teach you that. You’re going to naturally employ skills without consciously thinking of them, the more you use them. Writing becomes so intuitive, you can actually create finished product in your first draft. But to do that, you have to write a lot. You have to have faith in your abilities. And you have to let go.

I can only tell you this secret, like Dean Wesley Smith (now a WotF judge) told me this secret decades ago. When you go back in to rewrite a story, you change it. You lose the energy of creation that clings to those original words.

Don’t overedit. Avoid rewrites. Write fresh stories.

Thanks, Todd. Reposting since some may not know the Super Secret you’re referring to. 

Posted by: @wulfmoon

Dr. Jest, well done. There is a secret here. Some call it their muse, but here's what it is: Your subconscious is trying to talk to you. And when it's excited about something, we need to listen. We need to put our butt in the chair, fingers on the keyboard, and capture every word of drama our subconscious is sending up like we're the court recorder in a Perry Mason courtroom--yeah, I go back that far.

How do we get into this dream state? Routines can do it. Rituals around the keyboard--hey, I'm going to patent that! Mine is the teapot going off. That sound is my signal a writing session is about to begin, and my subconscious stirs like a thoroughbred hearing the shot go off that starts the race. The sooner we can get into that state, the better our writing will be, and the faster we will write. When we're thinking about how to employ every one of Dave's tips, how sentence structure and grammar works in a sentence, how can we max the word count to get maximum money to pay our rent, we're not listening to our subconscious. The logical mind has taken over, and it's a drooling idiot compared to our subconscious. Therefore, I unveil the next Super Secret, just for you, Doctor Jest.

Moon's SUPER SECRET #14: Do not overthink your story!

"What?" you say. "Moon has cracked his crock with this one!" No, I haven't. Think about it. Each night, your mind, without conscious thought and without a director, produces full length motion pictures, complete with settings, characters, dramatic scenes, monsters, and near death experiences! You don't direct any of it, it just happens, and I'll bet some of your nightly shows are way better than Home Alone 3.

You already have stories within you. You stuff yourself with the raw materials to make them every day of your life. You just have to get out of the way and let the fat lady sing...because she's beatiful, and she can do magic.

Some of you have asked for the story on my winner. I promised I would tell you the tale. This secret I just told you is how I believe I finally won after 25 years of trying. So, without further ado, I give you the tale of how I wrote "Super-Duper Moon Girl and the Amazing Moon Dawdler."

It was a dark and stormy night...

We come to the end of WotF’s last quarter in 2018. It was a bad month for my wife's health, and left me only two days at the very end of the quarter to write a story to submit. I had no ideas except a one page opening I had written six months ago that I thought would make a cute start to a story. My wife had been begging me to tell that tale. Now I must confess, in my frustration at having so many honors but not making finalist, over the more recent past quarters, I had been trying curve ball stories on the judge. Perhaps something quirky might make the story stand out and propel it to the top. I tried horror, surrealism, high seas adventure, space opera, alternate history, comedy, and this time, I decided to write a story to touch the heart. I only had time to write 1000 words the first day, and I wrote 5000 words on day two, which was the last day of the year end quarter. Contest closed at midnight. Submit a second later, and it's all over, you're not in. As the last quarter of the contest year, that meant another long year of entering once again if I failed, and believe me, that was the hardest thing to shut out of my mind. At 11:15 p.m., I handed the finished first draft to my wife to proof for errors, and went to the kitchen to find something to eat. At 11:45 p.m., I came rushing into the room to see if she was done reading. I was out of time.

She was *bawling*.

I began laughing hysterically.

She snuffled and glared at me. "Why are you laughing? I'm CRYING!"

"Because it WORKED!" I said, still laughing hysterically. I snatched the manuscript from her, raced to my room, corrected marked typos. I pulled up the submission portal, punched like a madman the data they required, jabbed SUBMIT. I made it. My time stamp? 11:56 p.m. And then I went back with tissues to apologize to my wife for being so abrupt, but hey, deadlines make you crazy, as any writer will attest.

I had spent the entire day writing right up to the deadline, no chance to see if it all connected, no second draft, no rewrites. I just wrote like crazy, constantly pushing out of my mind that I wasn't going to make it (the logical mind speaking, which you have to shut off). I would not allow myself to give in and give up, but I must admit, I was scared, because I knew I had something special here. I have never been so in touch with my subconscious as when I wrote that day. I was actually seeing visions of the scenes, and my fingers were flying to get it all down before it vaporized. I have only felt something close to this one other time before. It was when I wrote the story that won the Star Trek: Strange New Worlds contest. This was a breakthrough moment in my abilities, just like back then, twenty years ago.

I’ve played a lot of fantasy games. You know in a game when you’re leveling up. You’ve devoted hundreds of hours and worked hard for it. The game notifies you when you’re close in earned points. When you finally hit the mark, something amazing happens. Fey lights swirl around you, the heavens open in stellar symphonies, and your character shines with new power. Same thing in your writing. Perhaps without the frosty +10 Sword of Ice Bane, but something equitable in the real world.

This is the gift of listening to your subconscious. This is the power when you let go and trust your instincts, instincts you've been training for years because you, my friend, have been WRITING FRESH STORIES!

Best of success,

~Beastmaster Moon~

I’m reposting this Super Secret as well. It’s about tapping into your subconscious as you write. It’s called Flow State. I taught a panel on this at Fyrecon, and David Farland was kind enough to join me on it. He covered the science behind it. At the end, Dave commended me and said in all his years, he had never seen the subject taught, not at any convention, and he had attended many. And yet, he said it’s so important.

I’m teaching an expanded webinar on Flow State in July, and I’m donating 100% of the proceeds to help DreamForge pay writers like you. The title is: “Flow State: Release the Kraken Within You.” The Kickstarter went live today, and has many wonderful rewards. I hope you can check it out and support the great magazine DreamForge, created by Scot Noel, a WotF winner! Cheers!

Here’s the link to the DreamForge Kickstarter. The workshop I’m donating only has 30 spaces. Last year’s sold out, and it had 50 openings. Just sayin’. ? Release the Kraken!

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/scotnoel/dreamforge-magazine-in-2022?ref=discovery&term=DreamForge%20

Legit thought this would be my winning story (or a reject because it started off dark). Bummed about it but c'est la vie. 

Monday KYD Prompt!

Where does he get those wonderful toys? (Quote from Batman-1989)

This prompt calls for your magic swords, rings of power, and sonic screwdrivers. What tool will save your hero’s day?

Moon talks about magic swords in Super Secret #32:

https://writersofthefuture.com/forum/the-contest-quarterly-topics-and-other-items/wulf-moons-super-secrets-workshop-challenge/paged/30/#post-27327

Have fun!

Would you like some help on Story Openings? Editor and WotF winner Scot Noel and I did a presentation on this on his DreamForge YouTube channel. If you’ve been having trouble moving from R to HM in WotF, this will help! It just went live.

I never knew editing a story for an AI could be so dangerous …

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=VmqjaMywRHM

Posted by: @lost_bard

Monday KYD Prompt!

Where does he get those wonderful toys? (Quote from Batman-1989)

I love this quote, and this movie--this came out as a 12-cert movie in the UK when I was 12 years old myself, and although I couldn't afford to see it at the time, I caught a lot of the peripheral bits around it, and picked up a few.

In particular, there was a collection of photo-cards from the movie, which was one of those many packets-of-cards-with-a-stick-of-gum that you could buy in many forms while I was a kid, and on the back, each one included quotes from the script. I didn't get many of those either, but I did get this quote. with this picture (or essentially this picture) on it. And to this day, I don't know if they had an alternative version of the script, a pre-edit version, or some kind of adaptation version--but in the quote that's on the back of the cards, after this line, the Joker turned to his henchmen and asked "Well what are you waiting for? Go and ask him!"

...ever since then, I've missed that quote in the movie, even though it was never in it. Deeply irritating.

Want to *hear* the award-winning story I wrote in 24-hours at the Writers of the Future Workshop? “Sophie’s Parisian Stationery and Parfumerie Magnifique” is FREE to listen to at Third Flatiron Podcasts! Intelligent buildings fighting to survive on Hollywood Boulevard! Narrated by Wulf Moon.

And for those enrolled in this Year 4 Workshop, ASSIGNMENT:

Save the Cat is a system that works to create what I call the Reader/Hero Bond. You have the hero save a cat or do some other good deed in the opening of your story, and the theory is the reader will have a vested interest in reading on because they identify with and like your hero and hope by the end of the tale the hero will get their heart’s desire.

I teach something I believe is even more effective at bonding the reader to your protagonist. I call it Vulnerability. It’s a Super Secret, but you won’t find it here. It will be detailed in the book. But you can figure it out by examining my Sophie story. First, listen to or read my 24-hour story in Things With Feathers, Stories of Hope. Then, use the questions below to pinpoint the Secret, and please post your answers in a post in this thread. You have until the end of May. (Spoiler Alert! Listen to or read the story first before reading the questions below. You can listen for free through the link below, or you can get the anthology in eBook or paperback through the link in my signature.)

https://thirdflatiron.com/2021_TF_WP/?page_id=15

1. What was Sophie created to do, and how many ways has that been hindered in the opening of the story?

2. What is Sophie’s heart’s desire? 

3. What is Sophie’s greatest fear?

4. How close is Sophie to the realization of that fear at the start of the story?

5. How do I bring her even closer to that fear and increase her vulnerability in the very first scene?

6. As Sophie loses a friend—Ripley’s Believe it or Not—what is your emotional response as a reader?

7. What moves you to read on into the next scene?

8. To increase Sophie’s fears and vulnerability, what do I have happen to her next closest friend, TCL Chinese Theater?

9. Why do I spare Tussaud's Wax Museum? 

10. How do I make Sophie even more vulnerable through the attack by the vagrant?

11. What statements do I include in the narrative to show how desperate and vulnerable Sophie is in the crucible of her trials? How do we know through this she has entered “the dark night”?

12. How do you feel when Sophie, in her most vulnerable state, risks everything she fears in order to obtain her heart’s desire?

13. In conclusion, how did I use vulnerability to make you care about a building? How can you utilize this Super Secret in your next story to grab your readers’ hearts?

I look forward to your responses.

Beastmaster Moon

@wulfmoon Must fail (repeat try/fails three times).  That is  a rule I've missed in my stories.  Failing once, is something, but then getting it right on the second go round does seem too easy.  Three is the magic number.  Humph, I will try to use that one and see how it comes out.  If it is good enough for Mr. Owl (three licks), then it is good enough for me.

1. What was Sophie created to do, and how many ways has that been hindered in the opening of the story? She was created to serve customers, in particular perfume and stationery. She has been limited in her power source, her communication ability, and consumer access. She is fully dependent on her solar powered cells, only able to talk to a few buildings in her immediate area, and isolated from consumers until the madman shows up. 

2. What is Sophie’s heart’s desire? She wants to serve customers again. 

3. What is Sophie’s greatest fear? She fears being separated from her fellow stores and no longer able to serve customers. 

4. How close is Sophie to the realization of that fear at the start of the story? She is close having lost several friends and an attacker on the loose. 

5. How do I bring her even closer to that fear and increase her vulnerability in the very first scene? You create a relationship issue with 6933 and Ripley's is attacked and killed by the migrant. 

6. As Sophie loses a friend—Ripley’s Believe it or Not—what is your emotional response as a reader? I'm saddened and afraid for Sophie. I wanted to protect her because all I could think was she could be next. 

7. What moves you to read on into the next scene? Sympathy for Sophie. It's almost like sitting with a friend in a time of tragedy.

8. To increase Sophie’s fears and vulnerability, what do I have happen to her next closest friend, TCL Chinese Theater? He loses his holodrones and then is silenced and perhaps even killed in his attempt to protect her. 

9. Why do I spare Tussaud's Wax Museum? Tussaud's is already hostile towards Sophie and having someone there who is actively unwilling to talk to you offers Sophie connection, but denies it. It's tantalizing, but she can't have the connection she craves. 

10. How do I make Sophie even more vulnerable through the attack by the vagrant? He shoots out the voice box that is used to speak with customers on the street. 

11. What statements do I include in the narrative to show how desperate and vulnerable Sophie is in the crucible of her trials? How do we know through this she has entered “the dark night”? You repeat the opening up section from earlier in the piece and you call out that she had no desire to and you straightforwardly say that her worst fear had taken place. 

12. How do you feel when Sophie, in her most vulnerable state, risks everything she fears in order to obtain her heart’s desire? I'm afraid for her to invite the migrant to interact with her, but at the same time I"m hopeful for her to change her state. 

13. In conclusion, how did I use vulnerability to make you care about a building? How can you utilize this Super Secret in your next story to grab your readers’ hearts? You start the character in a position of vulnerability that we can sympathize with and increase the vulnerability as the story goes on. Sophie didn't want to be alone and wanted to serve her purpose, by denying her purpose and increasing the isolation the reader naturally sympathizes with the character as things get worse and her purpose is denied. If you set up your characters with an related desire and deny them that you use the reader's sympathy to get them to continue to to read like a roller coaster track. 

Posted by: @toddjones

@wulfmoon Must fail (repeat try/fails three times).  That is  a rule I've missed in my stories.  Failing once, is something, but then getting it right on the second go round does seem too easy.  Three is the magic number.  Humph, I will try to use that one and see how it comes out.  If it is good enough for Mr. Owl (three licks), then it is good enough for me.

I was taught this by Algis Budrys, WotFs first coordinating judge, in his Sarah Jane workshop. It’s psychologically important to the reader, as he explained, because we don’t view one or two attempts as a sufficient, respectable try at solving a problem. Third try’s the charm, just as the saying goes. ?

Posted by: @jarrodkwilliams

1. What was Sophie created to do, and how many ways has that been hindered in the opening of the story? She was created to serve customers, in particular perfume and stationery. She has been limited in her power source, her communication ability, and consumer access. She is fully dependent on her solar powered cells, only able to talk to a few buildings in her immediate area, and isolated from consumers until the madman shows up. 

You understand the Super Secret of Vulnerability, Jarrod! No wonder you were awarded a Silver HM in Q1! Well done!

As to your comment above, I call this trick:  Open with your protagonist behind the eight ball. When a scene opens like this, you have immediate tension, and if readers like your heroine, you’ll have immediate sympathy building toward empathy as the story advances. So important. 

These two answers were brilliant, bang on:

6. As Sophie loses a friend—Ripley’s Believe it or Not—what is your emotional response as a reader? I'm saddened and afraid for Sophie. I wanted to protect her because all I could think was she could be next. 

7. What moves you to read on into the next scene? Sympathy for Sophie. It's almost like sitting with a friend in a time of tragedy.

Great insights here, and throughout. May the Secret serve you well. Go forth and conquer!

Beastmaster Moon

RWC for me for Vol. 39 Q1. The letter was very nice and did make me feel good about my writing effort. It gives me things to think about for sure. Thanks @empressed for taking the time to look it over and offer comments.  

1. What was Sophie created to do, and how many ways has that been hindered in the opening of the story?

A: Sophie was created to serve Consumers, as were the other buildings. She specifically provided perfumes and stationary. She's hindered at the opening because 1: there are no Consumers, 2: the power grid is down, and she's reduced to solar and reserves, 3: there are no human staff working the buildings, so damages cannot be repaired.

2. What is Sophie’s heart’s desire?

A: To have company and not be alone. This isn't explicitly stated in the opening paragraphs, but easily ascertained from her stated greatest fear.

3. What is Sophie’s greatest fear?

A: Isolation. "Sophie could not bear the weight of another block-mate going dark."

4. How close is Sophie to the realization of that fear at the start of the story?

A: Close. She only has three friends left.

5. How do I bring her even closer to that fear and increase her vulnerability in the very first scene?

A: You took away one of her friends. Ripley goes dark at the end of the first scene. This increased her vulnerability because Sophie feels responsible for his death. It was her plan that got him noticed by the vagrant.

6. As Sophie loses a friend—Ripley’s Believe it or Not—what is your emotional response as a reader?

A: Believe it or not (lol), I was surprised and concerned, and it had nothing to do with your story alone. I'd just finished reading the entire "Things With Feathers" anthology and finished with your story. Throughout the anthology, not a single story killed off a primary character. That set a warm, light-hearted tone before I even got to your story. Then when Ripley's died, I was suddenly deeply invested, worried about who would die next. Even without the mental framework I brought to the story, I could see how this would emotionally engage a reader.

7. What moves you to read on into the next scene?

A: As noted above, my concern for the rest of the cast.

8. To increase Sophie’s fears and vulnerability, what do I have happen to her next closest friend, TCL Chinese Theater?

A: TCL is silenced while defending Sophie, so again Sophie feels like it's her fault. Now it is just her and Tussaud's left, and Tussaud's turns on her. She willfully isolates from Sophie, taking her closer and closer to her greatest fear: isolation.

9. Why do I spare Tussaud's Wax Museum?

A: To show that isolation doesn't just come from people being taken from us. Even those closest to us can turn their backs through anger, resentment, or other reasons. Losing a friend through their choice is can be even more painful than having someone taken away. In the end, the end result is the same. Sophie is isolated.

10. How do I make Sophie even more vulnerable through the attack by the vagrant?

A: The vagrant destroys her exterior speakers, eliminating her ability to engage with the outside world.

11. What statements do I include in the narrative to show how desperate and vulnerable Sophie is in the crucible of her trials? How do we know through this she has entered “the dark night”?

A: She becomes depressed, mixes vile perfumes, prints black cards, and contemplates suicide.

12. How do you feel when Sophie, in her most vulnerable state, risks everything she fears in order to obtain her heart’s desire?

A: Honestly? I thought, 'Don't do it!' My mind automatically went to an A/B solution (defeat the bad guy or lose valiantly), and didn't want to accept option C of her letting the murderer in as her new companion. While I can see the interpretation of 'Sophie changed the vagrant's heart and gained a companion' (and I realize that's the prevailing interpretation as this is an award-winning story), I saw Sophie as a victim of physical and emotional violence who turned to her abuser for comfort after he systemically isolated her from her support network. I loved the story, I didn't like the ending. Not liking the ending, however, still made the story stick with me. I churned over it for weeks after the first time I read it, so it was definitely well-written.

13. In conclusion, how did I use vulnerability to make you care about a building? How can you utilize this Super Secret in your next story to grab your readers’ hearts?

A: By making Sophie's fears and vulnerabilities resonate with our (the reader's) own, you made the buildings come alive. We can all identify with fears of isolation and the pain of losing friends. The character buildings were all engagingly individual with unique personalities, which made each loss very poignant. People are naturally vulnerable (though we try really hard to hide it), so we tend to connect with those characters who are also vulnerable. For my next story, I will work to identify the greatest fear and vulnerability and see how I can have each T/F cycle lead deeper into that vulnerability before the character finds their way to a solution and their heart's desire.

@physa Always. <3 Glad you got an RWC instead of a standard rejection. Do they identify what issues were at play, then?

@empressed Not really. It is similar to what Kary has for why a person may receive a RWC. You get comments for all possible reasons, but nothing spelled out. Thanks again, Amy

1. What was Sophie created to do, and how many ways has that been hindered in the opening of the story? To serve humans and refresh them. "To transform women into flowers. . .and create products that appeal to feminine visitors." The blitzers killed most of the humans and now the last human in Hollywood is blinding and/or destroying what Sophie values most.

2. What is Sophie’s heart’s desire? To save her friends.

3. What is Sophie’s greatest fear? To be alone and cut off from her friends.

4. How close is Sophie to the realization of that fear at the start of the story? Pretty close. She really only has two friends left, considering Tussaud's has already gone to the dark side.

5. How do I bring her even closer to that fear and increase her vulnerability in the very first scene? A madman reenters the area who has already blinded or ended their friends.

6. As Sophie loses a friend—Ripley’s Believe it or Not—what is your emotional response as a reader? Sorrow. Empathy for Sophie.

7. What moves you to read on into the next scene? Her grief. She views him as a person and hopes his end was fast and painless. 

8. To increase Sophie’s fears and vulnerability, what do I have happen to her next closest friend, TCL Chinese Theater? He sacrifices himself for her. 

9. Why do I spare Tussaud's Wax Museum? In some ways, it's worse to disconnect yourself from a friend - knowing they're there and unwilling to help - than to have them disconnected. It makes her feel hopeless and consider suicide.

10. How do I make Sophie even more vulnerable through the attack by the vagrant? She starts by remembering the good ol days. When he appears, she notices the wreckage he weaves through, noticing who she's lost. "Dead Dolby building, a charred mess." The vagrant kills Humphrey Bogart, a sort of avatar of TCL and she refers to their limited partnership as only three members left in their coalition. It's a countdown. Then Tussaud's refuses to help and leaves the coalition. Kills Donald Duck and then her drone. It's a mini massacre on her doorstep. Then he takes one of her vocal boxes so she can't speak to the outside world. He tries to take out her eyes. Then TCL sacrifices himself. As a final conclusion and lead in to the next scene, Tussaud threatens Sophie with the next Blitzer wave so that Sophie terminates their connection.

11. What statements do I include in the narrative to show how desperate and vulnerable Sophie is in the crucible of her trials? How do we know through this she has entered “the dark night”? Her opening worst fear is: "To be doomed to absolute isolation and silence." She can't bear the weight of another building going silent, but all of them do. Either through violence or choice. TCL's sadness, forlorn, blue statement rings the bell added with a decade, adding depth to the sense of loss and loneliness. You add the precise time frame, 8 days, minutes, seconds of silence from Ripley to increase this sense, making us aware of just how acutely a sentient building might feel this loss. No more close circuit conversations suggests the intimacy of their friendship. She has huge reserves of fragrance to refresh the boutique and no desire to do so. Her worst fear had taken place. She no longer cares if the vagrant returns. Eight deathly silent days later. Her friends gone. Her purpose ended. Eight days, then three weeks. We feel it.

12. How do you feel when Sophie, in her most vulnerable state, risks everything she fears in order to obtain her heart’s desire? You feel respect for her because she rejects suicide and embraces hope. "Anything is better than being alone forever." 

13. In conclusion, how did I use vulnerability to make you care about a building? How can you utilize this Super Secret in your next story to grab your readers’ hearts? The word "Lonely" is powerful enough to inspire tears. You rang the bell of her fears and the time frame in which she contemplates isolation and then endures isolation keeps growing. With pun intended, you build her a framework of isolation and make her sit in it.

I'm looking forward to reworking my Q2 with this in mind since the character has a lot of vulnerability already. I will keep the techniques in mind for my Q3 since I play with time a lot in the story already and the character is also afraid of being alone. Thanks for the tips!  

I'm not lost! I promise!

My phone hates the forum so when I couldn't use my computer due to health stuff I fell behind on reading all the wonderful posts here. I was finally at a point of recovery last week that I've been catching up on everything missed. It's been fun to catch up. I've missed reading all your successes and thoughts.

My own thoughts to a month of missed posts (you seriously don't need to read these):

tl,dr: I finished the challenge for April and I got an HM for Quarter 1.

I did message David over discord to report for April. Thank goodness it’s one of the few apps/websites my phone even likes. But here it is for all: In April, I wrote 3 KYDs, 2 fresh short stories, and 1 story submission. I had hoped to write more short stories as I was doing it for camp nanowrimo as well, but I ended up not being able to sit at the end of the month, so writing slowed down significantly as my attempts to write lying down were less than successful. I seriously need to unlock the secrets of dictation.

@ease, I absolutely love the meme. Can we use it in the Wulf Pack Discord channel?

@wulfmoon I absolutely believe you were a punk rocker in college. Maybe share some pictures sometime?

For Quarter 1, I got an HM. I’m really proud of that HM. It was a previously rejected story that I rewrote. It’s more on the horror side than WotF usually goes, so I wasn’t expecting much at all. But an HM? Score! I’m going to give it another go over to catch anything missed in earlier revisions and then send it out to sci-fi horror markets.

I feel rather silly because I just figured out you can like posts here.

Thanks @wulfmoon for reposting the older secrets. Overediting and overthinking my stories is a trap I fall into quite often!

I haven’t finished the May challenge yet. But I am rereading the story and hope to finish it soon.

I love the Write Smart Dialogue article. I keep sharing the link with other writers.

Challenge From End of April – it’s way late so you don’t have to read it. I love dialogue so it was fun to fill out.

1. What is the beauty of said? It’s invisible to the reader.
2. What are saidisms? Dialogue tags that use verbs and adverbs to replace “said”
3. Why do saidisms bog down dialogue? They overstate the obvious, slow down pacing, and tell the reader something they already know
4. So why do beginning writers feel the need to use them? They don’t trust the reader enough to read between the lines and infer emotions in the dialogue.
5. Correct the first Jack and Jill example. Don't post it here, this is just for you to practice on.
6. What are beats? Action beats are actions done before or after the dialogue that are used to show what the character is doing and tell the reader who is talking.
7. Why can beats be more effective than doing strings of he saids, she saids? They give more context for the character’s emotions, actions, and how they interact with the setting while removing repetitive dialogue tags.
8. What are "As you know, Bobs"? When characters explain to each other information they already know to clue in the reader. Often it’s background info that breaks up the pacing.
9. How can we train ourselves to write smart dialogue that sounds realistic and not artificially manufactured? Go out into the world and really listen to how people talk to each other
10. Please review the last story you wrote. After absorbing these lessons, can you truthfully say you wrote smart dialogue? Great! Advance to go, collect $200 ... from your publisher!

May Challenge:

1. What was Sophie created to do, and how many ways has that been hindered in the opening of the story? To serve humans as a store, to make women feel beautiful and smell like flowers, to create and maintain products that women would like.

2. What is Sophie’s heart’s desire? To serve customers again and to be with her friends

3. What is Sophie’s greatest fear? To be alone, to lose her friends

4. How close is Sophie to the realization of that fear at the start of the story? I'd say she's really close. Other buildings have already gone down, and when the customer comes through, she's trying to scare him away to protect her friends rather than invite him to serve him

5. How do I bring her even closer to that fear and increase her vulnerability in the very first scene? She loses Ripley, one of her friends.

6. As Sophie loses a friend—Ripley’s Believe it or Not—what is your emotional response as a reader? I was heartbroken for her. We felt him go dark and her loss, and I ached. It brought up memories of losing my own loved ones

7. What moves you to read on into the next scene? I wanted to see if she recovers from her grief or finds a way to fix him somehow, and I also wanted to know if she'd still survive or not. The madman still knew where she was

8. To increase Sophie’s fears and vulnerability, what do I have happen to her next closest friend, TCL Chinese Theater? He fights to save her life, and then she loses him

9. Why do I spare Tussaud's Wax Museum? To make me angry. Tussaud's Wax Museum doesn't believe in helping friends out, and they survive on their own because they don't take any risks. Better a life with risks and companionship than being alone

10. How do I make Sophie even more vulnerable through the attack by the vagrant? She's living her fear. Her friends are gone or have betrayed her. She's already contemplated, even if only briefly, going dark and ending it for herself. Now she's just desperate not to die but to connect with someone. 

11. What statements do I include in the narrative to show how desperate and vulnerable Sophie is in the crucible of her trials? How do we know through this she has entered “the dark night”? The detail about her making the smell of rotting liver just drove home her agony. She can't even do her work properly. She also briefly thought of ending her own life and making herself go dark so she isn't alone anymore.

12. How do you feel when Sophie, in her most vulnerable state, risks everything she fears in order to obtain her heart’s desire? Her sending the cards with words on them broke me. The Please and Lonely showed just how desperate she was as she reached out to the man who ended it for her friends

13. In conclusion, how did I use vulnerability to make you care about a building? How can you utilize this Super Secret in your next story to grab your readers’ hearts? You used vulnerability to connect us to a sentient machine. We felt for Sophie, rooted for her, and felt her anguish because we've cared about our own friends before, and we tend to have our own fears and discomfort about being lonely. Honestly, the way you made Sophie feel more human than we are through vulnerability was genius. For my own story, I can use vulnerability to deepen the emotions of loss my current story is dealing with. I need to make the character feel more vulnerable from the very beginning, not just when the antagonist shows up to shorten the timeline.

Happy Monday, Challenge Beasties!

I’m happy to see the answers pouring in on your Vulnerability assignment. I’ll be commenting soon on the new. In the meantime, here’s your KYD Monday Prompt!

Aesop’s Fable: The Lion and the Mouse

I’ve always wanted to write a spec fic story on this premise, so here’s your chance. To give you some guidance, here’s the moral of the story: 

An act of kindness is never wasted. In the story, the Lion spares the Mouse when he captures her. The Mouse tells him that, if he sets her free, she will find a way to repay him. Later, the tables are reversed, and it’s fortunate for the Lion he spared the Mouse.

Have at it!

Beastmaster Moon

@wulfmoon Good news on first person tales. I just finished a story, in first person, that I plan to submit for Q3 2022.

I don't always write in first person, but when I do, I prefer receiving a SHM.

I'm bowing out unless I can get a COVID pass. I haven't been able to write much of anything. The lethargy, pounding headaches, and overall brain fog make it very very difficult to focus on writing. Not to mention the free time I have when done caring for kids is spent trying to get my actual real life work done and after that I'm utterly beat and drained. I'd hoped I would be feeling better by now but it's still going strong and if anything I'm getting worse. Just writing this is draining.

Good luck to all the rest of you!