Wulf Moon's SUPER SECRETS Workshop & Challenge!

Also, when we send out stories to "professional markets," what are we supposed to say in the cover letter if we lack professional affiliations or paid publishing credits??

There's a thread on cover letters here: viewtopic.php?f=22&t=7641

I also have a list of pro markets if it'll help for the challenge. Some only open for short periods of the year.

Just finished my under 250...I realized through the process of cutting down to under 500 that the story wasn't told effectively from the perspective I chose, so I switched it for the 250 and it's MUCH better. Will post them up later tonight since the 500 is on my desktop at home and the 250 is in a note on my phone!

I'm working on my assignments so I can officially be "in!" I hope to have my 500 and 250 ready to post in a few days. Thanks again for doing this challenge, Wulf!

I have been submitting a story to pro markets, but I have to ask Wulf, and this one gets my goat every time...how do you handle the many many editor's submission guidelines???
I mean, one editor wants it one way, another editor wants it a different way. I think I spend more time researching on the correct submission guidelines just so I won't get an automatic rejection from them due to not submitted their way...
thanks and looking forward to your awesome pro tips

I'm in.

I saw the video and agree with the central premise – Wulf has been saying the same thing for ages, and I agreed then.

Read all the Super Secret Rules and found them very insightful.

Waiting for the "college textbook" to arrive by post late next week.

As I'm not all that computer savvy, I do have a question (open to any and all): When we post our 500 and 250-word pieces, do we simply type them from our manuscript, or are we supposed to send them in a word document and post them in comments??

Also, when we send out stories to "professional markets," what are we supposed to say in the cover letter if we lack professional affiliations or paid publishing credits??

Best,

Retropianoplayer

Glad to have you, Retro. And all the others, will write more soon, just got back from Seattle.

The easiest way to post your 500s and 250s is to create them in your word processor, highlight using Ctrl End, then use your clipboard using Ctrl C, and open up your Post a Reply post here, and paste to the reply using Ctrl V. It pops off your clipboard and into here. It will not be formatted very well, so you touch up spacing in here. Give it a try with something small first so you know how to work it.

I'll talk about pro markets, cover letters, how to write them, samples of cover letters, the works! That's what the challenge is here for, to share how to do it! So don't sweat, it's all coming, and we'll make it easy to understand and even provide some good market ideas. SwiftPotato and I have already been scouring markets. Well, mostly Swift, and then I say, "Add this one, and where in the world did you find that scruffy market? Is this for real?" Heh, we've been having fun. SwiftPotato is Speedy Gonzalez in disguise, methinks.

It's going to be a monumental year!

Look for new secrets on marketing your stories and how to do it. All shall be revealed. As for credits to put in your cover letters, we'll talk about that as well. It's not hard to put together a cover letter, once you see a few.

Welcome aboard, gang! Thanks for joining the Wulf Pack! (Totally stealing that, Retro. It's what I called my guildies in the gaming guild I founded. http://www.theforestguard.com )

Cheers!

Moon

how do you handle the many many editor's submission guidelines???
I mean, one editor wants it one way, another editor wants it a different way. I think I spend more time researching on the correct submission guidelines just so I won't get an automatic rejection from them due to not submitted their way...

I just read the submissions guidelines every time I submit somewhere. It takes time, yes, but it's worth putting in the effort. A lot of the biggest places just use standard Shunn manuscript format, but some places are anonymous and some places ask that stories be submitted in a specific way to help with personal ease of reading or manuscript formatting.

Also, when we send out stories to "professional markets," what are we supposed to say in the cover letter if we lack professional affiliations or paid publishing credits??

Best,

Retropianoplayer

I used to say 'I am presently unpublished' until I had a credit to my name, but you might not even need to say that. Some places have specific cover letter instructions but, when in doubt, short, simple, and polite is always the best plan. That link Alex gave to the cover letter thread is worth a read-through.

I'm in.

My 500, titled "Mother's Love"
(499 by my computer's count)

"I can't, mama."

Sahmi slapped her four-year-old daughter, leaving a bright red mark. "Don't call me that." She beat sand from Dyah's cotton smock where she'd stumbled. "Try again. Cross the room." She shoved Dyah across the small stone-walled temple cell. Rolled rugs, incense burners, dishes, and cushions littered the floor in a maze.

Dyah closed her unseeing gold-flecked eyes to See, opened them, and took a confident step. Then another. Sahmi began to hope. Then Dyah tripped over a rug and began to cry.

Sahmi threw up her hands. "By the Five, don't you want to fit in?" She tried a different approach. "Once you can, you'll go live with other children, be able to leave this room. Don't you want that?"

Dyah's wails continued. She hadn't heard. Striding to jerk the child to her feet, Sahmi's eyes fell on blood streaming from Dyah's chin. "For Senses Sake," she snapped, "you've dripped blood everywhere."

"I'mmmsorrrry."

"Sorry doesn't keep you safe!"

Sahmi wet a rag and applied pressure to Dyah's chin. Her other hand cradled the back of Dyah's head, fighting the need to wipe her tears.
"Stop crying. It's your own fault."

Dyah sniffled to silence. Sahmi inspected the scrape. "Just a little cut." She spun Dyah around to face the room. "Try again."

"I'm hungry." The tiny voice shifted from whining to stubborn. "I don't want to."

"It doesn't matter. If you're to stay in the temple, you have to appear Whole."

"I can just stay here. With you." Dyah turned her head, eyes closed, and smiled up at her mother. "Please?"

Sahmi cringed. It was hard enough keeping her love from Dyah already. Dyah had to move to the orphanage, or Sahmi wouldn't be able to keep her oath to the Five. Her Sight for mine. Dyah saw the reaction and the smile fell from her face like tears and blood. "I'll try again."

Sahmi's heart ached. It had been so easy to comfort Dyah as a baby, to pretend she was just another orphan in need of affection. The older she grew, the more Sahmi longed to talk to her, tell her stories, smooth her hair when she slept. "Get it right and I'll let you eat."

Dyah took a deep breath and opened her eyes. Quickly, she crossed the room, stepping over a pile of clothes, going around a bowl filled with water, until she reached the opposite wall.

She spun, eyes still open, and jumped up and down. "I did it! I did it!"

Sahmi's broke into a smile of pride before she forced the feeling back down where it belonged. She waved her hand at the plate of roasted cava meat and potatoes sitting on a rug in the corner. "Eat. But do it with your eyes open."

Dyah's smile faded, but she skipped to the corner. "Yes, mama."

Sahmi opened her mouth, then closed it. They had time before Dyah moved to the orphanage. She could let that one go.

END

250, Mother's Love
(245 by my computer's count)

"Can't I just stay here, mama?" Dyah turned her head, eyes closed, and smiled up at her mother. "Please?"

Sahmi cringed. "Don't call me that." Dyah had to move to the orphanage, or Sahmi wouldn't be able to keep her oath to the Five. Her Sight for mine. I cannot love her.

Dyah Saw the reaction and the smile fell from her face. "I'll try again."

Sahmi's heart ached. When Dyah had been small, it was so easy to comfort her and pretend she was just another baby in need of affection. The older she grew, the more Sahmi longed to talk to her, tell her stories, smooth her hair when she slept. "Get it right and I'll let you eat."

Dyah took a deep breath and opened her unseeing eyes. Quickly, she crossed the simple temple cell, stepping over a pile of clothes, going around a bowl filled with water, until she reached the opposite wall.

She spun, eyes still open, and jumped up and down. "I did it! I did it!"

Sahmi's broke into a smile of pride before she forced the feeling back down where it belonged. She waved her hand at the plate of roasted cava meat and potatoes sitting on a rug. "You may eat. But do it with your eyes open."

Dyah's smile faded, but she skipped to the rug. "Yes, mama."

Sahmi opened her mouth, then closed it. They had time. She could let that one go.

END

Well, I was hoping to simply observe the exercises, but here I am starting on "deception" because I don't want to be left out... way to peer pressure me into learning something! I'm well into my first short story of the quarter, with the intent of submitting it for publication rather than WotF. I thought too much about the judges' preferences last quarter, as I did not want to give any overt reason for rejection. So it's been refreshing to write to sell (where an editor can ask for changes) instead of "to win". To be clear, I found David Farland's advice extremely valuable and learned a lot from most of my efforts.

Since I wrote about 6k words the past week, the two per quarter should be attainable. I expect to add another 2k to this story, then cut some in editing. I apparently like to write a scene-by-scene skeleton with notes to myself, then flesh it out non-linearly. I'm new to short stories, so that could certainly change! If this story turns out the objectively better of my two, and hasn't been accepted elsewhere (statistically likely), I'll "censor" it for the contest! It's hardly vulgar, but it touches on issues with which the judges might disagree.

Thanks for the motivation... hoping to post my "entrance exam" soon!

That's great, Officer. We look forward to your membership in the Wulf Pack, as someone recently called it. : ) No lone wolves here--we work as a team to take down large prey. Our target is WotF first, the largest of a new writer's big game, and then respectable publishing markets outside WotF as our quarry. Every quarter. Hubbard's purpose for this contest was to discover new writers that would go on to sell their works here, and elsewhere to shape the visions of mankind. The purpose of the contest is to discover new writers with original thought, and to propel them successfully into the world of professional publishing so that they can make a difference. So yes, we submit here, but we don't ignore the ultimate purpose of this contest--to bring forth a fresh new wave of professional writers into the speculative fiction industry.

I am happy you understand that. Just a reminder--as we pursue selling our works in the marketplace, this challenge does require one submission each quarter to WotF, hopefully from one of those two fresh original stories each quarter, with some leniency if you really feel the need to submit something else. You know my belief as to what's your best bet to getting your win. : )

Just want to be clear as to what people are signing up for in this challenge.

All the beast,

Wulf Moon

I'm in.

My first flash piece won't win any awards, but editing was good practice. Hopefully many others jump on the bandwagon! Looking forward to all growing together.

Now back to longer-form writing,
Ari

First of all, this is a great take on magic. Well done. I was immediately drawn into the world building. That being said, I didn't easily follow the movement of the tricks, and I wasn't always certain who was speaking (maybe because the voices sounded similar? I realize that's intentional, but it made it hard to follow for me). Finally, since the coins become critical to his escape, is there a way to mention them in the opening? (I am thinking of deploying your magic sword earlier!) There's a good block of setting description that could be used to slip those in there, so they already exist in the reader's mind. My final comment has to do with rising tension. This is an interesting scene, and the character is learning a new skill, but are things getting worse? There's no ticking clock, no THINGS GET WORSE, that I can see. He's in a dungeon, and given his state we can assume he's been there a long time. I might try to find a way to make it important he gets out SOON. Maybe he's getting executed in the morning. Or his love is slated to marry the evil Prince Dinkerhump. Just a thought. Overall I really liked this little flash!

Just got my story down to 246, after complaining to a writing buddy that it was impossible. Just keep looking for slices of your bigger tale that tell enough of the story to invite the reader to imagine the rest in their mind. Hopefully mine does that - we'll see when I post it. I tried a number of different cuts before finding one that satisfied a believable setting, characters, a snapshot of the problem, and some sort of ending. Good luck to everyone working the prompt!

Speaking of prompts, I've been using the Inktober prompts as writing prompts -- I did a 1400 word story yesterday on "Husky" -- and it's a good resource for inspiration if you're coming up dry. Before I looked at the prompt I decided I wanted a few things, like the setting and a specific kind of character, and then I just let my imagination run wild.

Becky is doing this right. After the cutting you do to get to 500, then the lesson changes as you move to the next level.The 250 is about reshaping and recoding, honing in on one potent idea out of the flash piece and insinuating elements of your bigger world without actually saying them. This becomes a vignette.

I did the alternate prompt of BLACK WIDOW for those that think they might like to send one of these to market. Technically, posting here is considered published, since it's not a small, privately enclosed group. The thing is, you're going to expand these back out when done with the exercise. That's what I do. When you do so, it will change, and it will be much larger, hopefully a three thousand word or bigger story you send to Writers of the Future or another market. Then, it won't matter. It's something different. But if you're really worried about this, write one just for challenge admittance. I'm just making options for you and your good conscience. : )

Either way, you must provide a 500 and a 250 as part of your entrance requirement. And Becky already knows all of this--she did a great job with this in the Vol 36 challenge. I'm just using her post as a springboard to mention this.

Have at it! You have until October 20th. We look forward to seeing what you produce. Also, it's not required, but it's nice to focus on a few good points in posted vignettes. Please don't quote the entire piece if you can help it--this folder is bulky enough as it is. Say the name and title and say something nice if you'd like. We all like to know people enjoyed our efforts. And YaY for Becky! As I was about to post this, I already see she commended someone and intuitively did it the way I described. Thanks, Becky!

Cheers!

Beastmaster Moon

I like what Pournelle had to say about just writing the story. That after a certain point you won't be writing and thinking "I'm writing", you'll be writing the story and that's all. And after that you'll have a chance. It fits very well with "the manuscript isn't the story". To me it seems to mean that the closer you get to that state of just writing the story, the closer you get to writing a story instead of a manuscript about that story.

This part of the video hit me strongly as well. It can feel overwhelming to think of thinking of all the things at once, but once some of them start to become instinct/habit, it's a lot more manageable. That's the goal, right? 😉

Yes, that's the goal. And it is attainable. Heinlein, Pournell, Dean Wesley Smith, Martin Shoemaker--they are all telling you versions of that. I won when time constraints forced me to write in this state. But in order to do this in fairly flawless fashion, you need to practice working with the building blocks of good stories. If you've got the time, I highly recommend you do my Kill Your Darling's exercise each week, and you'll get a new prompt every Monday to do so. I created this exercise for myself, and did it most weeks for one year. I learned how to code big worlds and ideas in small spaces, and found my larger tales became more focused and had tighter prose because of this excercise.

Practice does make perfect.

And weren't you the one that said you might need a break one quarter for delivering your baby? Of course you can take that break and still be in the challenge. We aren't monsters here.

<flashes a feral grin>

Wulf Moon

I'm in!
I really liked boiling this story down to bare bones. When I expand it out, I know where I'm going--and what the reveal is really about. It was...enlightening. Thanks Wulf!

WHERE GOOD MEN SLEEP 500

I lied about study group. Dad would never let his silent songbird go on a date, and he certainly wouldn’t let me visit the forbidden ocean. But Dillan was a scholar, a church boy, the perfect ruse. He was good.

I feel bad about that now.

The truck reeked of gas and I wrinkled my nose as we puttered down the road. Dillan signed his excitement—he’d learned sign language for me, thought this was a date. I let him believe it.

The sun sank as we drove and when it was gone, he put his hand on my knee. My claws curled inside my shoes.

#

We parked on the ocean overlook. Below, waves crashed against the shore in quiet heaves, fizzling against stretches of sand and melting back under moonlight.

“The ocean. Just like I promised.” Dillan lifted his chin to the beach. “Your dad said we shouldn’t, but I figure, we’re eighteen. We make our own choices.”

He leaned close and my spine tingled. I know he wanted to kiss me, but I didn’t.

“You okay?”

I signed, “I want to touch the water.”

He paused and sat back. “Okay.” The door clicked and I slid across the sticky seat. He held my arm, helped me down, and I smiled. We descended the grassy hill and approached the beach. The briny scent of it intoxicated me.

Dillan squeezed my hand. “Your dad said—”

I shook my head. Dad had spent his entire life keeping me from here—from her. My feathers itched and my wings ached to expand and beat against the waves. I tugged him forward.

“Rachel?”

The foam surged and suddenly we were shin-deep in saltwater. Dillan gripped my arm, trying to steady us, but we fell. Foam covered us.

“Rachel?” Dillan sputtered, tugging against the waves.

But in the water I saw her. Mother. Raven hair, feathered legs and raptor claws—who else could it be? She opened her mouth, and at her call, I obeyed, ripping my arm from Dillan. She embraced me and stroked her powerful wings, pulling us under.

Dillan dove after.

Swim back! I willed him to leave us alone, but he dove deeper, following us into the dark and cold. Guilt soured my throat. Eventually he stopped swimming.

Mother did too. Black hair floated around her face. “Daughter.”

My eyes burned. Father had refused to visit the ocean, had warned me against boys and the curse of the sea. Mother touched my cheek, face contorting with rage as thoughts flowed from my mind to hers.

“He stole your voice. The ocean will heal it”

I grabbed my throat as bubbles swirled.

“He lied to you.” Mother beat her wings. “I was human when your father heard the siren song. The ocean claimed his soul. When I offered to take his place, he saved himself and took you.”

“But dad is a—”

“Good man?” She gestured to Dillan, floating lifelessly above. “Good men sleep in the sea.”

WHERE GOOD MEN SLEEP 250

After dusk, we parked at the ocean overlook.

“As promised,” Dillan smiled and signed his excitement. He’d learned that for me, a kind gesture. He leaned in, but I curled my claws inside my shoes. I’d lied, just like I’d lied to Dad about the study group.

“Wait.” He stopped. “You wanted to touch the beach, right?”

I nodded.

The door clicked and he led me to the sand.

“Your dad said not to—”

I shook my head. Dad had spent his entire life keeping me from here—from her. I rushed in as the foam surged and Dillan gripped my arm to steady us. We still fell.

“Rachel?” Dillan sputtered.

And in the water I saw her. Raven hair, feathered legs and raptor claws—who else could it be? Mother opened her mouth and I swam into her powerful embrace.

Dillan dove after.

I willed him to leave us alone, but he dove into the dark and cold. Eventually he stopped swimming.

Mother did too. “Daughter.”

My eyes burned. Dad had warned me against boys and the forbidden curse of the sea. Dad was trying to protect—

Mother touched my cheek, and my thoughts flowed to hers.

“He stole your voice! I’ll heal it”

I choked as bubbles swirled.

“He lied.” Mother scowled. “He heard the siren song and I foolishly offered to take his place. He never came back.”

“But Dad is a—”

“Good man?” She gestured to Dillan. “Good men sleep in the sea.”

Commentary on "Conception and Deception", the submission requirements pieces by Officer.

(Note to all: this is an exceptional first try, so don't get scared off. I believe if we dig deeper, we'll find Officer has done his 500,000 or better words, just not in short fiction. All working with words counts, maybe not at a 100% correlation, but it still counts. As I believe we see here.)

Officer, this is wonderful! In both forms. Obviously, with more words, you can do more scene setting, more characterization, more vivid details. So the 500 is a better story, which will likely be the case for most all of you. But the 250 actually got the entire story in and still worked with some careful word choices. I noted some said less but revealed more, like with the baton.

Here's my favorite line, your fantasy magic premise: "Magic is first, conception; and second, deception. Conception is creating something in the physical realm.” That is so great, and a wonderful use of the prompt. It is believable, so we suspend belief immediately. We get it. We instantly know the rules.

Note how all of the spirit's teachings are essential to the plot and climax. Our hero is going to use this "magic sword," this knowledge about how magic works, to escape. The climax of the vignette is him employing this knowledge in a daring escape plan. And it's a comedy, not a tragedy--it works!

Well done. I recommend you let this sit for awhile, letting your subconscious work on it. And then, expand it into a story beyond 3000 words for this challenge. I think this should be your submission this Q, but you be the judge of that. It's off to a great start.

I will share another secret here. It's how I won grand prize in that one year contest with 25,000 to 30,000 entries for the year. I set out with one objective: how to make the reader cry in 250 words. I didn't know if it was possible, but I thought if I can get people so emotionally involved in a scene using only 250 words and I make them cry, I've done a magic trick with words. When I posted it to the contest boards--just like you do here--many many people wrote that they cried and wanted to reach out to the young boy I had written about. It was a true story. About me. (It's not the one I shared with our group here.)

Guess what? When I wrote my winning WotF piece, I chose the same objective, but with more words this time. I set out to make Dave cry...

Potent words. Potent scenes. Potent plot. Potent climax. It's what makes winning stories.

This exercise helps teach you how to do that. Thank you for participating. And for being our first OFFICIAL NEW MEMBER!

YOU ARE IN! KEEPER OF THE RECORDS, DRAW FIRST BLOOD FROM THIS CHALLENGE BEAST AND WRITE HIS NAME ON THE ROSTER WALL!

CONGRATS!

Fortune favor the brave!

Beastmaster Moon

I'm in.

My first flash piece won't win any awards, but editing was good practice. Hopefully many others jump on the bandwagon! Looking forward to all growing together.

Now back to longer-form writing,
Ari

First of all, this is a great take on magic. Well done. I was immediately drawn into the world building. That being said, I didn't easily follow the movement of the tricks, and I wasn't always certain who was speaking (maybe because the voices sounded similar? I realize that's intentional, but it made it hard to follow for me). Finally, since the coins become critical to his escape, is there a way to mention them in the opening? (I am thinking of deploying your magic sword earlier!) There's a good block of setting description that could be used to slip those in there, so they already exist in the reader's mind. My final comment has to do with rising tension. This is an interesting scene, and the character is learning a new skill, but are things getting worse? There's no ticking clock, no THINGS GET WORSE, that I can see. He's in a dungeon, and given his state we can assume he's been there a long time. I might try to find a way to make it important he gets out SOON. Maybe he's getting executed in the morning. Or his love is slated to marry the evil Prince Dinkerhump. Just a thought. Overall I really liked this little flash!

Ari,

I agree with what Becky says here--she has a great editorial eye, she's been training it for a long time. I would use these suggestions in making your longer piece. They show you what you will need to do to win someone like Becky over in your story. And that someone will be Dave if you submit it to WotF. : )

Becky, awesome you identified the magic sword. That was a Super Secret! Well done!

Cheers!

Wulf Moon

Einstein and Retro: We'll have Secrets on all of these things. You are getting ahead of the class. : ) In the meantime, what Liz said is very helpful.

Einstein, I spend at least an hour on each sub to a market. It's a killer time waster, but details matter. And yes, it seems every market has different requirements. You have to go over them like a hawk, just like for this one. I use Mondays for sending stuff out. It's a non-creative job, but you need to dedicate time to it or you won't have any widgets for sale in the marketplace. YOU CAN'T SELL FROM AN EMPTY WAGON. Yes, that's going to be a Secret topic. : )

Retro, I'll be posting sample cover letters, and how to sub, in an upcoming secret. Stay tuned.

For now, your objective is to do everything possible to meet the admissions requirements. Answers will come later. Trust me on this. (That was always Dean Wesley Smith's favorite line. I learned it from him.

I look forward to your submissions.

All the beast!

Beastmaster Moon

Also, when we send out stories to "professional markets," what are we supposed to say in the cover letter if we lack professional affiliations or paid publishing credits??

There's a thread on cover letters here: viewtopic.php?f=22&t=7641

I also have a list of pro markets if it'll help for the challenge. Some only open for short periods of the year.

Thanks, Alex. I appreciate your thinking of the needs of the group.

Actually, I'm providing a list of more regular markets. I want a hot list people go to without much thought, main markets, that aren't one time wonders. You'll see. I know it's not going to have them all, but I don't want them all. It's just a springboard for everyone to build their own market list off of. And since markets are always changing, and we often write in unique genres, it's going to be very important for each of us to build our own. This will just be a basic service list.

Thanks again!

Beastmaster Moon

AlexH shared this on cover letters. Thank you, Alex! I remember when Alex Shvartsman wrote this, and it's likely the best article on cover letters for spec fic you will ever find. He's also editor-in-chief at Future Science Fiction Digest, where I work as podcast director. He knows what he is talking about.

Thanks again, AlexH! And now, Alex S!

https://alexshvartsman.com/2016/05/09/h ... er-letter/

YOU ARE IN! KEEPER OF THE RECORDS, DRAW FIRST BLOOD FROM THIS CHALLENGE BEAST AND WRITE HIS NAME ON THE ROSTER WALL!

A mysterious shimmering on the wall of the cave. You lift the lantern and peer into the gloom. The blood glitters gold and red in the firelight and you make out a single word: OFFICER.

Sorry about that..I was always the nerd in the class, always reading ahead, doing projects way ahead of the due date :)….
cool....looking forward to those tips....

Einstein and Retro: We'll have Secrets on all of these things. You are getting ahead of the class. : ) In the meantime, what Liz said is very helpful.

Einstein, I spend at least an hour on each sub to a market. It's a killer time waster, but details matter. And yes, it seems every market has different requirements. You have to go over them like a hawk, just like for this one. I use Mondays for sending stuff out. It's a non-creative job, but you need to dedicate time to it or you won't have any widgets for sale in the marketplace. YOU CAN'T SELL FROM AN EMPTY WAGON. Yes, that's going to be a Secret topic. : )

Retro, I'll be posting sample cover letters, and how to sub, in an upcoming secret. Stay tuned.

For now, your objective is to do everything possible to meet the admissions requirements. Answers will come later. Trust me on this. (That was always Dean Wesley Smith's favorite line. I learned it from him.

I look forward to your submissions.

All the beast!

Beastmaster Moon

Comments on "Mother's Love." Challenge submission requirement by R Schibbler.

Becky, nice work! You've told a wonderful vignette in both pieces. And you've pulled off a masterful trick--I do believe the 250 is the strongest, even though we learn a bit more in the 500. Well done! That is VERY hard to do! You said more, with less. Note how the emotional side of the story enhanced by cutting and reshaping to the important elements that would evoke emotional responses. The 250 focuses precisely on the theme of your vignette, and your title tells us what that theme is and explains why a mother would do this. Nice!

I am not trying to offer much constructive criticism in here for these ones--I'm mainly making it a requirement to prove applicants have what it takes to meet deadlines and to follow the instructions of the exercise, and to see what I might need to do to help each of you. That said, I'll offer you a little. I'm always bugged by "throwing up hands." Taken literally, it's quite gross. Same goes for "cast her eyes across the room." You didn't do that one, I'm just making a point, it jumps out, and you don't want readers popping out of your world even for a moment. So you might want to rethink that, even though a lot of writers do say things like that. They do make me chuckle at times.

Your closing line. That's what you want to do with these, have a zinger ending, a punch-you-in-the-gut line. It's close, but not there yet. It works if you said in your opening, "Serious steps! Each with thoughtful purpose. You will be in a monastery!" THEN, as she skips to her food, the last line makes perfect sense. Mom watched a violation, but hard though she has to be, she is a mother at heart. She lets this one slide. The line is perfect, and moving. The setup is not. Please revisit that if you wish to do more with this in a larger work.

Again, not to scare anyone off. I won't be doing heavy critiques on these "entrance exams." And if you really plan to try to sell a work at this level of words--I'm not recommending that--then don't post it here, many markets consider this first publication. It's why I gave you two prompts. If you fall in love with one and just have to try to market it as is, then you need to build another from the second prompt for sacrifice upon the altar of admissions. It's that simple.

Besides, these are meant to be story seeds. When you expand them up one day, they will not be the same. They will be glorious short story trees. Maybe even novels. That is exactly what happened with one of mine.

"KEEPER OF RECORDS, ALL HAIL RSCHIBBLER AS A VOL. 37 CHALLENGE BEASTIE! DRAW BLOOD AND SIGN HER NAME TO THE WALL OF OATHS!"

The gathering wolves howl at the scent of fresh blood.

Beastmaster Moon

I'm in.
I might have to wait a bit for my book to get here. Enjoying reading all of these exercises so far!

Here is my 500 titled "Tricks, No Treats" 495 words.

Aaron ran after the group, trailing behind with his bag of candy. Kevin, his big brother was ahead, with his friends. He hated Kevin’s friends. Kevin never paid attention to him. And they liked to make fun of him. They treated Aaron like such a kid.

“Wait!” He yanked the pillow case higher as he ran up the path. They had already disappeared into the trees. “Mom said you had to stay with me,”
Aaron yelled again, glancing at the dark spaces between the trees.

They had been just in front of him moments before. He hated the woods, but it was the fastest way back home.

Aaron continued down the path, looking for traces of his brother. They seemed to have disappeared. Aaron ran along, until he found Kevin’s hat in the middle of the path.

“Kevin?” Aaron called. There was a patch of bushes which looked trampled down. Aaron stared, hoping for some movement. He decided to go down into the valley looking for the group. He was starting to feel more afraid.

Aaron reached the bottom of the valley, where there was a small clearing. Kevin’s bag of candy was lying in the centre of it. Something had happened to Kevin. He thought he should run home, and tell his parents what happened, but before he had left, he heard something.

“Aaron,” the wind whispered.

There was a crashing movement in the bush.

Aaron turned, looking. There were monsters in the woods. Whatever had taken Kevin was coming for him now.

Aaron ran up the hill. His candy dragged next to him, he hiked it over his back. Something was running next to him. He hit the path and tripped over his feet. Whatever was next to him was not in sight.

Aaron ran the rest of the way through the woods, and towards his house. Outside, he saw his brother’s friends.

“Something happened to Kevin! I gotta tell Mom and Dad!”

“There’s something in those woods alright,” said Steven. “It couldn’t catch you, you’re too fast,” he said, steering Aaron back towards the woods.

All Aaron could think was that he did not want to go back inside those trees. Whatever had gotten Kevin was going to grab him too.

They had entered the trees when Aaron felt something grab a hold of his arm. Aaron jumped in the air and went running sobbing straight into Steven’s back. He held onto Steven, not caring if he embarrassed himself.

“Maybe that was too much,” Kevin said. “I’m sorry Aaron, I know that was really mean. Don’t tell Mom. She’ll take away the car.”

Aaron couldn’t stop crying. He let Kevin pick him up and put him on his shoulders. How dare they scare him. Aaron eventually silenced his tears. He spent the walk home planning his revenge. Maybe he should hide that toad he found at the pond in Kevin’s bed. And he would tell Mom, for good measure.

End

My 250 titled "Tricks, No Treats" word count 256

Aaron ran after the group. Kevin was with his friends. Kevin never paid attention to him, and they liked to tease.

“Wait!” He yanked his candy higher. They had gone into the trees. “Mom said you had to stay with me.”

Aaron continued down the path, looking for his brother. Aaron found Kevin’s hat the path.

“Kevin?”

There was a trampled down bush. Aaron followed the crushed branches off the path.
Aaron reached a clearing. Kevin’s bag of candy was lying in the centre of it.

“Aaron,” the wind whispered.

There was a crashing movement in the bush. Whatever had taken Kevin was coming for him. Aaron ran up the hill. It was running behind him. He hit the path. Whatever was behind him was gone

Aaron ran through the woods until he saw his brother’s friends.

“Something happened to Kevin!”

“There’s something in those woods alright,” said Steven. “It couldn’t catch you.” He steered Aaron back towards the woods.

Aaron did not want to go back. Whatever had gotten Kevin was going to grab him too.

They were in the forest when Aaron felt something grab his arm. Aaron jumped in the air. He cried out.

“Maybe that was too much,” Kevin said. “Don’t tell Mom. She’ll take away the car.”

How dare they scare him. Aaron silenced his tears. He planned his revenge. He should hide that toad he found in Kevin’s bed. And he would tell Mom, for good measure.

End

Comments on "Where Good Men Sleep." Vol. 37 Challenge submissions requirement by thegirlintheglasses

First, great title, you open with a title that comes full circle in the ending line. Love that! Your 500 employs a scene break! This gives the feel of a longer story even while still resting in 500 words. It's a smart trick to tell bigger tales in smaller spaces. Nice!

Here again, I think your 250 is stronger. And that is a hard trick to pull off, but it shows you get the point: you must boil your stories down to their essence for it to work in the 250 vignette size. You create the potent seed. You'll know it's still potent because it will still be emotionally and mentally satisfying at that size. With this core, you can build up some raging conflict that would make this a longer story, with this scene as your climax. It sounds like you are already thinking on that. It's got power to *become.*

I liked the feeling she was a fairly normal girl until claws curled in her feet. That's a good reveal. It's a "we're not in Kansas anymore, Toto" kind of opening. I like the twist on sirens--you are using Greek sirens, which were birds, not fish-women. My concern is I had to think about that for a second, as only diving birds go underwater, and then only temporarily. Her mother sounds like she lives underwater, and you used raven images to desribe her. You will probably have to get her or her father to say something to tell the reader we are dealing with ancient Greek styled sirens, and not the ones that have been impressed in our minds today. Other than that, this has a creepy feel to it--the boy drowns--but goes with the siren mythos. Well done!

KEEPER OF THE RECORDS! DRAW FORTH THEGIRLINTHEGLASSES' BLOOD AND ADD HER NAME TO THE ROSTER WALL!

All the beast in our new challenge year!

Beastmaster Moon

"KEEPER OF RECORDS, ALL HAIL RSCHIBBLER AS A VOL. 37 CHALLENGE BEASTIE! DRAW BLOOD AND SIGN HER NAME TO THE WALL OF OATHS!"

The blood of the first word has scarcely dried when the light of your lantern catches another shimmer below it. Another word is traced on the wall before your eyes: RSCHIBLER.

KEEPER OF THE RECORDS! DRAW FORTH THEGIRLINTHEGLASSES BLOOD AND ADD HER NAME TO THE ROSTER WALL!

Your arm tires with the weight of the lantern, but the invisible writer is not yet finished. Whispers begin to echo in the cave as more red is daubed on the wall: THEGIRLINTHEGLASSES.

I'm in.

I liked my 1000 okay, but the more I cut it down for 500, the less I liked it. I realized at that point that I hadn't told the story from the right perspective, and as a result more things had to be realized. That meant the story became more tell and less show as the constraints tightened. However, I thought it would be interesting to post the 500 I ended up with to show how I decided to switch perspective completely and get to my 250. I still feel the 250 could use improvement but it flowed from me much better than the 1000 or the 500 did.

My 500, titled A MOTHER'S LIES (499 words)

Tom started his new weekend job with the deceiver around the same time Inkblot ran away. It didn’t distract him as much as his parents said it would; he was forever searching for glimpses of a spotted, wagging tail or a bright red collar through the windows. The deceiver didn’t seem to mind. He had cleaned her windows to do his searching. Tom was small for seven years old, but with a stool, he could even reach the top panes. If he stood on his tiptoes.

“Tom?” said a husky voice from the office. “We need more tea.”

Tom threw a last wistful glance outside and pulled the teapot from the fire. “Coming, Miss Thea!” he called. He held the smooth handle with both hands as he made his way to Thea’s office.

The woman sitting across from Thea had her face hidden in the folds of a hood. He took a deep, quiet breath while he poured her tea. She smelled like cookies.

When he moved to refill Thea’s cup, he asked in his politest voice, “Excuse me, ma’am, have you seen a white dog with black spots?”

The woman pulled her hood closer to her face and shook her head. Thea’s face tightened for a moment, a sign Tom knew to mean that someone in the village had lied. Lies took magic from her, but she said that it was okay because they paid her for it.

“Go on and wait outside,” Thea said.

“Yes, Miss Thea,” Tom said, and hurried from the room. To his relief, he had not missed Inkblot outside.

The office door opened and Thea shepherded the woman in the long brown cloak across to the shop door. Tom caught another warm, fading whiff of cookies as the woman brushed by.

“Tom, why don’t you go on home? Your mother said this morning there would be a treat tonight,” Thea said.

“Oh boy, a treat!” Tom shouted, then slapped a hand over his mouth. Mom had told him to always be quiet and respectful for Thea. She was nice, but scary. “Thank you, Miss Thea,” he corrected himself through his fingers.

The corners of Thea’s mouth twitched before she turned and swept back to her office. Tom waited for the hem of her dark blue cloak to disappear behind the door before he left the shop for the dusty road and setting sun outside.

As he neared home, he spotted something red laying in the grass he ran to it. It was a narrow swatch of fabric, small enough to fit into the palm of his hand and rough like Inkblot’s collar. Tom swallowed around the sudden tightness in throat. He was concentrating so hard on the swatch of fabric that he missed, as he did every day, the patch of freshly turned earth under the tree Inkblot always napped under. When Tom opened the front door to the strong scent of freshly baked cookies, he never once thought of the hooded woman.

My 250, titled A MOTHER'S LIES (227 words)

The villagers called her the mother of deception, and that was just fine. They would not make her leave. Enough of them still came to her for the rest to be afraid, not of what she could do, but of what she had already done. Even in a village cursed to speak only truth, it was hard to drive out lies.

She insisted that her customers call her nothing more special than her name: Thea. Lies were part of human nature. She was no more or less than human, no matter what the villagers thought. To her, it made a perfect kind of sense to be treated the same as the product she sold.
Thea only gave the ability to lie. She could not hide the evidence of the truth. She made this clear to the woman sitting across from her now with her face hidden in the folds of a hood. The woman looked on the boy who worked in the waiting room with a mother's love. She would still lie to him.

The woman handed to Thea the token to mark her lie: a red collar, roughly woven, "Inkblot" engraved on a metal dog bone.
Thea burned the collar with sweet incense and wondered how long until the boy noticed the dog-sized patch of freshly turned earth that had replaced Inkblot's favorite napping spot.

And weren't you the one that said you might need a break one quarter for delivering your baby? Of course you can take that break and still be in the challenge. We aren't monsters here.

<flashes a feral grin>

Wulf Moon

I was! My baby is due November 7, but today my midwife said "only a couple weeks left!" so maybe she knows something I don't?

Anyway, I'm committed to doing as much of this as I can! I'm hoping I'll still be able to do all the exercises and the 2 fresh stories every quarter, but I guess we'll see. I always have been an overachiever... Then again, this is my fourth baby and I don't see how my life could be all that much crazier than it already is, so I'm feeling a little like "I'll just strap the baby to me and just keep going! It'll be fine!" Lol

And weren't you the one that said you might need a break one quarter for delivering your baby? Of course you can take that break and still be in the challenge. We aren't monsters here.

<flashes a feral grin>

Wulf Moon

I was! My baby is due November 7, but today my midwife said "only a couple weeks left!" so maybe she knows something I don't?

Anyway, I'm committed to doing as much of this as I can! I'm hoping I'll still be able to do all the exercises and the 2 fresh stories every quarter, but I guess we'll see. I always have been an overachiever... Then again, this is my fourth baby and I don't see how my life could be all that much crazier than it already is, so I'm feeling a little like "I'll just strap the baby to me and just keep going! It'll be fine!" Lol

Heh, that's what thegirlintheglasses does. She has four. You should see her pictures from Disneyland!

I added this to the official challenge post at the bottom. This is extra credit--don't take it if you feel pressured or don't have the time.

* SUPER DUPER BONUS CHALLENGE: In addition to the above, commit to ONE fresh, original flash story PER MONTH that you put through the KILL YOUR DARLINGS exercise (Super Secret #33) using one of my weekly Monday prompts. This means at the end of the year you'll have EIGHT fresh original short stories, and TWELVE fresh Flash stories, TWENTY new stories in all! You don't have to show these on the topic, we trust you. You just have to commit this month to the Super Duper Bonus and report your progress on this bonus flash challenge each month or each quarter, whatever works for you. These take time, just like short stories, but I believe they will help you advance if you do them regularly. You can post like this: Flash Challenge: 1/12. Have at it if you feel you have the writing time. *

My podcast of Shaenon K. Garrity's story, "You Came to the Tower" went live today at Future SF. It's one of the best we've published, and that's saying a lot considering we had a Nebula nominee on the ballot this year. Do check it out, I assure you it will be worth the listen or read, and it's free.

http://future-sf.com/podcasts/you-came- ... r-podcast/

I'll take that bonus challenge! I had a lot more fun with this one than I thought I would, and you're right - it turned into a really nice story seed. It'll be nice to have those hanging around, possibly to be made into shorts!

I'll take that bonus challenge! I had a lot more fun with this one than I thought I would, and you're right - it turned into a really nice story seed. It'll be nice to have those hanging around, possibly to be made into shorts!

You won't be sorry. My story in my signature just published in DEEP MAGIC? It was made from one of these. And now, it's the novel I'm working on. All from doing my KILL YOUR DARLINGS exercise for that contest. I can share it if you guys would like to see it.

I'll take that bonus challenge! I had a lot more fun with this one than I thought I would, and you're right - it turned into a really nice story seed. It'll be nice to have those hanging around, possibly to be made into shorts!

You won't be sorry. My story in my signature just published in DEEP MAGIC? It was made from one of these. And now, it's the novel I'm working on. All from doing my KILL YOUR DARLINGS exercise for that contest. I can share it if you guys would like to see it.

Knowing that is exactly what decided me on taking the extra. I'd love to see it if you're willing to share.