Leave a Piece of Advice or Reader Comment that Rocked Your Writing World

Joshua Essoe, at Superstars, gave a great lecture on 'the ten common mistakes of sample submissions' - nine of them were slightly more obvious, oft-repeated, tips (don't start with waking up, no mirror scenes, no typoes, e.t.c.) but number ten blew my mind.

"Use senses to immerse your reader."

Okay, that didn't blow my mind. We all know that, we all focus on that in our 450s. But his demonstration of that was incredible. He took a 100-word excerpt with three weak sensory details in it, and then tore into it line by line, added 40+ sensory details by changing words and phrasing, such that the final piece was only 3 words longer. He multiplied the sensory immersion by 1200% while increasing word count by 3%.

@ease can you demonstrate now? 😉

@gideonpsmith thanks for calling me out 😉

Instead of "He moved the chair across the room." you could have "Oak chair legs scraped across cobbles."

 Replace "there were chandeliers over each table" with "tallow candles shed more cloying smoke than flickering light."

Okay, that's way more words and doesn't even convey all the previous info. He was much better at it than I am, but I'm still learning, and you catch my drift.

Posted by: @ease

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@gideonpsmith thanks for calling me out 😉

Instead of "He moved the chair across the room." you could have "Oak chair legs scraped across cobbles."

 Replace "there were chandeliers over each table" with "tallow candles shed more cloying smoke than flickering light."

Okay, that's way more words and doesn't even convey all the previous info. He was much better at it than I am, but I'm still learning, and you catch my drift.

 

This was (a) awesome and (b) truly helpful 👍 

Thank you for replying to my gentle prod!

@gideonpsmith Honestly, I didn't do it justice. He changed ~40 words, reordered a couple, and only added three, out of one hundred, and it made so much difference without losing the original 'info transferral.'

Most of it was swapping version of 'exists' with more active verbs. Instead of 'there were forty windows and outside it was morning' he'd have 'forty windows diffused soft morning light.' I think that's a better example than my prior post, albeit still not as great as Joshua Essoe (he runs a workshop at Fyrecon which includes this, by the way!), as I haven't word-bloated and the original meaning is still there.

Thanks for the tips everyone. They've been great.

For me, my mind was blown when I took Moon's KYD class and saw how he built a story non-linearly, with bits of detail and stream of consciousness intermingled in the first draft. Until then, I had the naive notion that you had to write the story from start to finish. Now I skip around and leave gaps of white space between passages to be filled in and/or connected later.

Most of my improvements have come from comments that subtly nudged my understanding. The only one I actively recall is where a reader circled a single word in my narrative and suggested: “I don’t think the character would say this.”

The comment was related to the prose in a 3rd person limited POV. It was the first time I realized that 3rd person narration still uses the language of the character it follows. It’s not a disembodied narrator.

I’m passionate about improving my storytelling within my given medium, so here are a few storytelling aspects that I’ve routinely engaged with:

• Rules are rules for a reason. You’ve heard about setting a reader’s expectations, but you’re likely only thinking about story. Grammar is also an expectation. Typos don’t take a reader out just because they are wrong; They take them out because it deviates from what they expect. It’s a knife mixed into a drawer of paint brushes. Your job is to get them a story. Your words are simply how you deliver it. Regardless of your rule-breaking’s elegance, if it is too far afield from what your intended audience has thus far learned, it’s poor writing.
• Reading won’t net you writing experience. I often see folks informing others to read more in order to improve their writing. Another common suggestion is for one to write more. I’ve personally championed the second one. But better than both is Rewriting. Take one of your existing paragraphs and redo it. Pull it apart and reassemble it in a different manner, while being mindful of your shortcomings. Struggle with long sentences? Sentences too short? Clarity or pace issues? Fix it. This is where the proverbial ‘rubber meets the road.’ It’s a focus on the craft side of things. Forcing your words through different molds will make you more flexible in producing results.
• No writer, no matter how successful/knowledgeable, will be able to tell you exactly how to go about your own journey as a storyteller. I recommend trying anything and everything that interests you. I’ve spent hours adjusting the aesthetic of my writing software only to then realize how much writing didn’t happen during that time. I subsequently discarded my need to have “the perfect environment,” and frequently carve out my own island in a public coffee shop. Keep what works for you. Throw out the rest. At the end of the day, what matters is that you’ve produced words or refined those already in your possession.
• When you write, your written words are not what you see in your head. At best, they are an approximation of what you imagine. Your words are not photocopying your internal imagery. For context, think about the color blue. No matter what shade/tone/hue surfaces, no other reader will imagine your same blue. So don't waste time enumerating every environmental detail in your scenes. Give your readers impressions, emotions, and themes. Equip them to utilize their own imagination, then get out of their way.
• A reader doesn't possess whatever context surrounds your ideas/concepts. For this reason, they won't get your inside jokes unless you also give them that context. For instance, consider using a writing prompt. Writers often start out treating them like questions where their story is its answer. If someone reads said story without seeing the prompt, they're likely missing a vital component for understanding what they just read. So, fold the writing prompt into the story. It can not remain outside.
• Listen to others when they take the time to critique your work, but listen closer when you find knowledgeable readers/writers praising other writers. Applying your personal critique will help you improve what you're already doing, but studying and applying what other writers are receiving praise for... Well, if you do that, you'll start improving in areas you don't even realize are weaknesses.

While listening to the WotF podcast, the episode that resonated with me most actually came from Ep. 276 with Echo Chernik, who’s the coordinating judge for the illustration side. If you think it sounds odd for an illustrator’s story to resonate more than other writers, I encourage you to give it a listen. At the end of the day, we’re all storytellers where writing and illustration are simply the mediums we utilize to share those stories.

There is a wealth of knowledge to be gained in practicing with tools you don’t intend on actively using. It allows you to uncover strengths and weaknesses in what you employ and helps you decide what might better address a task at hand. For example, if you seek to exclusively write Fantasy in 3rd person limited, practice writing stories in genres, POVs, and tenses that aren’t this.

But it’s more than that. Knowing how an illustrator, a musician, or a cinematographer portrays their story can have a profound impact on how you go about telling your own. As a cinematography example, I recommend this one, which deals with how to begin a story.

Well, that’s my two cents anyways! I hope you found this helpful.

Happy writing!

JT

I have often found, over the years, that I'll get a piece of advice that, while it rocks my world, also seems perfectly timed. That if I had received it earlier, I wouldn't have recognized it for the world rocking advice it is.

Conversely, I sometimes hear advice repeatedly and at some point it "sticks". Which may be an at-last recognition of its world rocking.

All this is to say the following video recently rocked my world. I saw this when I needed to and I think it will alter my stories for the better.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ew8MmeNJe0
A Different Way to Think About Storytelling | in 3 Minutes.

Now, I know some say not to write to a theme. I interpret that to mean not to preach a theme or state your political (or world bias) opinions through thematic elements. I submit that a central theme, an exploration of a topic by the author using the story as a vehicle is what sets a particular story apart.

Here's my advice for writers, for those who are grappling with R and RWC.

1. Start off with a bang: Your first sentences should draw the reader in. It should make them want to read more. It should also foreshadow what is to come if possible. It should start off with the main character. It should give us the setting of the story. I know that's a lot of things to ask for in a few sentences, but I'll give you examples, the same examples written in three different ways.

(Mystery/Thriller)

Brad Mulligan was the first to see her. He was taking his daily morning jog around the trails of his posh neighborhood when he saw a woman walking into the woods. Curious, he followed her. What he found was a body, badly mangled and haphazardly half-buried. There was no one around. Suddenly afraid, Brad turned on his heels and ran to the nearest safety patrol station to inform the guard on duty of the body he found in the woods. 

(Fantasy/Science Fiction)

Brad Mulligan was the first to see her. He was taking his daily morning jog around the trails of his posh neighborhood when he saw a woman walking into the woods. Curious, he followed her. What he found was a body, haphazardly half-buried. There was no one around. He was suddenly afraid, but at that moment, the sun hit something on the corpse that made it shimmer, drawing Brad’s curiosity more than his fear. He took a step closer to the body and realized that a piece of skin was gone from underneath of her right big toe. The metal sparkled in the sunlight.

(Horror)

Brad Mulligan was the first to see her. He was taking his daily morning jog around the trails of his posh neighborhood when he saw a woman walking into the woods. Curious, he followed her. What he found was a body, haphazardly half-buried. There was no one around. He turned to run, but something cold and clammy grabbed his wrist. Fear gripped him tight like a noose strung around his neck. Something pulled on that rope, twisting his face back toward the body. He closed his eyes tightly, not daring to look.

2. Adjectives are your friends: use descriptor words often, as much as you can. Like Ease said earlier, describe, describe! Here's what a paragraph looks like normal, and then with adjectives.

(Normal)

Augry was a chubby child. He was eleven years old and a hundred and forty pounds. Pudgy in the middle—and everywhere else—Augry walked the hall in silence. There weren't many fat kids like him. Not even another one as big as him. He sighed and hid his face behind the baseball hat. His hands rested in the  pockets of his new jacket. Many of the kids didn't have jackets either.

(Adjective-filled)

Augry was a kind, but chubby child. He was eleven years old and a hundred and forty pounds. Pudgy in the middle—and expanding everywhere else too—Augry walked the hall in silence. There weren't many fat kids like him. Not even another one as big as him. He sighed and hid his face behind the red and blue umbrella striped baseball hat. His hands rested in the thick warm pockets of his new jacket. Many of the kids didn't have jackets either.

3. Check the flow of your story: try and make sure that your story is flowing in one direction. Like time, your story should always be moving forward. If you have trouble with flow, write an outline. Outlines are super easy. All they do is tell what happens next. Having an outline, even a quick one, will help your story keep moving. Here's an outline example of The Clay Box:

Story opens with Sabina, an old witch who lives at the edge of a magical forest. --> She helps the villagers with potions and spells --> But she is lonely so she creates a daughter out of clay --> One of the villagers waiting for a potion, hears a child so she picks up the baby; surprised at the enchanted thing, she throws the baby into the fireplace and burns her, then she runs off --> Sabina saves the child and stops helping the villagers; she raises Roxanne and teaches her magic to suppress the things in the woods --> knowing she will die, she charges Roxanne with going out into the world to find a husband to help stay with her in the cottage --> Roxanne doesn't want to leave, but reluctantly goes to fulfill her mother's wishes...

4. Less is more: Short stories do not give writers the space to write what they want, how they want, with all the descriptions and all the characters in an epic world. Pick one major conflict, create a beginning for it, create an end. If your character can go from beginning, conflict, and end, then you did a good job. Stick to only a few characters. Stick to only one major conflict. You can have some attached internal or external conflict that goes along with it, but your goal is to just take your character from beginning to end.

I hope that this helps streamline the process for some of you. Keep writing and good luck!

wondering how people *retain* the ideas they learn?

I read a lot of craft books, and I try very hard to put the lessons I have learned into practice soon after as I feel this helps cement them, but even so, there are no doubt huge swathes of info I read, think "great!" and forget soon after whether I've implemented them a few times or not. Reading the books in the first place is a huge time ask, so re-reading to re-learn seems impossible.

How do you retain the knowledge, tricks and tips you've learned?

Posted by: @gideonpsmith

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wondering how people *retain* the ideas they learn?

 

I read a lot of craft books, and I try very hard to put the lessons I have learned into practice soon after as I feel this helps cement them, but even so, there are no doubt huge swathes of info I read, think "great!" and forget soon after whether I've implemented them a few times or not. Reading the books in the first place is a huge time ask, so re-reading to re-learn seems impossible.

 

How do you retain the knowledge, tricks and tips you've learned?

Like you, putting them into practice.

Sharing them in places like this.

Make highlights in the books and write notes...which I plan to review but rarely do...

@gideonpsmith 

I hope you’ll forgive my aside. For a while, I worried about this too, but I think you’re already doing the main thing to combat this—placing a learned thing into practice. I’ve since tried to focus on singular takeaways and I credit this approach to a previous writer.

“Every man I meet is in some way my superior, and in that, I can learn from him.”
-Emerson

If you read a lot of craft books, there comes a point where you’re only reading repeated things—a writer rephrasing what you’ve read elsewhere. So, I think we should all aim to tease out singular lessons. We can’t incorporate blocks of information. Attempting to do so demands a back-and-forth of our attention, a constant referencing and re-referencing that amounts to an incredible waste of time.

In my humble opinion, I think it’s far better to aim at mastering singular elements until they no longer require conscious effort. More on point with your question, Emerson had another noteworthy sentiment which I incorporated:

“Make your own Bible. Select and collect all the words and sentences that in all your readings have been to you like the blast of a trumpet.”

Which is to say, I transpose the aforementioned singular items into my notes to create something of a narrative stencil.

For example, my opening sentence is this:

‘What do I want to say with this piece?’

This statement is a specific reference for me. It’s not merely a bullet point labeled ‘theme,’ and demands that I examine something in a particular way. I recommend finding a similar way to compose your notes—have them mean more than what their words suggest.

I also have a compressed reference for the Dave Harmon Story Circle:

1. Zone of comfort, but wants something.
2. Unfamiliar situation, then adapt to it.
3. Get what they want, paying a heavy price.
4. Return to familiar situation, having changed.

I have it compressed this way because it creates story quarters and provides a better visualization for where I should implement iterations of the try-fail cycle.
That’s three singular things that I incorporated into my “stencil” to give it more power over my writing. You want to know the kicker? Would you believe that I almost never use this stencil? But that’s not to suggest this reply had no meaning. While I sometimes re-reference my theme-related statement, the main take away from this stencil comes from its creation. Initially, I frequently returned to engage with its different parts, which is where this tool had the most impact.

My recommendation is to make your own stencil, and as you read, take away singular lessons, returning to your “stencil” to engage and examine where and how they might interlink with what you’ve already annotated. Occasionally, you’ll encounter rephrased lessons that you had previously forgotten and its this rephrasing that allows a lesson to finally “click” for you.

At least…that’s been my experience.

Hopefully, you’ll find something helpful within my rambling.  

Posted by: @jtwrites

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@gideonpsmith 

I hope you’ll forgive my aside. For a while, I worried about this too, but I think you’re already doing the main thing to combat this—placing a learned thing into practice. I’ve since tried to focus on singular takeaways and I credit this approach to a previous writer.

“Every man I meet is in some way my superior, and in that, I can learn from him.”
-Emerson

If you read a lot of craft books, there comes a point where you’re only reading repeated things—a writer rephrasing what you’ve read elsewhere. So, I think we should all aim to tease out singular lessons. We can’t incorporate blocks of information. Attempting to do so demands a back-and-forth of our attention, a constant referencing and re-referencing that amounts to an incredible waste of time.

In my humble opinion, I think it’s far better to aim at mastering singular elements until they no longer require conscious effort. More on point with your question, Emerson had another noteworthy sentiment which I incorporated:

“Make your own Bible. Select and collect all the words and sentences that in all your readings have been to you like the blast of a trumpet.”

Which is to say, I transpose the aforementioned singular items into my notes to create something of a narrative stencil.

For example, my opening sentence is this:

‘What do I want to say with this piece?’

This statement is a specific reference for me. It’s not merely a bullet point labeled ‘theme,’ and demands that I examine something in a particular way. I recommend finding a similar way to compose your notes—have them mean more than what their words suggest.

I also have a compressed reference for the Dave Harmon Story Circle:

1. Zone of comfort, but wants something.
2. Unfamiliar situation, then adapt to it.
3. Get what they want, paying a heavy price.
4. Return to familiar situation, having changed.

I have it compressed this way because it creates story quarters and provides a better visualization for where I should implement iterations of the try-fail cycle.
That’s three singular things that I incorporated into my “stencil” to give it more power over my writing. You want to know the kicker? Would you believe that I almost never use this stencil? But that’s not to suggest this reply had no meaning. While I sometimes re-reference my theme-related statement, the main take away from this stencil comes from its creation. Initially, I frequently returned to engage with its different parts, which is where this tool had the most impact.

My recommendation is to make your own stencil, and as you read, take away singular lessons, returning to your “stencil” to engage and examine where and how they might interlink with what you’ve already annotated. Occasionally, you’ll encounter rephrased lessons that you had previously forgotten and its this rephrasing that allows a lesson to finally “click” for you.

At least…that’s been my experience.

Hopefully, you’ll find something helpful within my rambling.  

So, in summary.... "take notes" ? 😉

Sorry, that was intended as a playful poke - I do actually appreciate you engaging with the question so deeply! I'm going to give your stencil idea some thought